Calm Endurance

As Nate and I sit here in the Infusion Clinic, I struggle to know how to start this update. It's been over a year since I last posted, and I could write a book! Don't worry, I'll spare you most of the details and try for a condensed version...maybe?

We've had a beautiful year! Nate had his last treatments at the end of May and we thoroughly enjoyed being on the "surveillance plan". We partied all summer and tried our best to make up for the summer before. We took the trailer out a few times and fished, rappelled, and hiked. We spent time at the cabin in Bear Lake with Nate's parents and our friends. We spent lots of time at the pool, finished our chicken coop, and just tried to enjoy life.

Seth went on his 3 week adventure to the Boy Scout Jamboree in June. He toured Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, and DC for 10 days then headed to the Jamboree site in West Virginia for another 10 days. He had a great experience!

Happy Airport Reunion!

Our chicks are all grown up now and they love their new digs. They lay 5 to 7 eggs every day. They've been so fun!

Nate rocked this coop!

Emma began competition dance and kept busy with that all summer. She loves to dance and has improved so much! She danced 6 hours every week, and had a very successful competition season. It's been so good for her to have something to focus on. After attending Emma's competitions, Sydney decided it all looked pretty fun and decided to join the competition team this year. We look forward to watching our girls dance together!

This year we decided to get Snow Basin passes (a result of Nate's "seize the day" perspective), and we had a wonderful time skiing as a family! The kids improved so much, and Seth caught the bug. He wanted to spend as much time as possible on the mountain. He even chose to spend his 14th birthday skiing with me and Nate! We'll enjoy that while we can!

Happy 14th Birthday Seth!

Emma and Sam share a birthday, and turned 12 and 9. I can't believe how fast the time flies by! Emma entered the Young Women's Program at church so we get to hang out at our weekly mutual activities. Sydney turned 7 and is proving to be "all girl". As soccer registration approached, I asked her if she wanted to play again and after she considered it for a moment, she said, "Well, I think I'll take a break. Soccer just makes me breathe too hard!" It's so fun to watch these kids grow up and see their unique personalities emerge.

Happy birthday Emma and Sam!

So grown up! It's killing me!

Happy 7th Birthday! Our Baby?!?
                                         

Hiking in St. George

Chichen Itza

In February, Nate and I snuck away to Cancun with my sister and her husband....we highly recommend it! It was great Vitamin D therapy!

Nate coached Sam's Mustang team this year! They had a great season, and it was so great to watch Nate coach again! He did a great job, and Sam loved learning how to play catcher from his dad. Sam went on to play for the Farmington Allstar team!

Nate has continued to have CT and PET scans every 3 months this year.  Even though it's been stressful as we've had to anticipate scan results so often, it was so nice to have such a long break from treatments! We know that all cancer patients don't get to do this very often, and we feel so blessed that we had this time. After his January scans, our doctors could see some suspicious areas and wanted to get a PET scan. The PET results came back better than expected, so they wanted to wait 3 more months and repeat scans to see if anything had changed. Appendix cancer is so hard to detect and monitor on scans because the tumors have to get big enough before they show up, and they don't always show uptake from the PET scans.

Unfortunately, the May scan results showed definite growth in a few areas, and Nate has relapsed. It wasn't completely unexpected, but we had hoped to have more time before the cancer came back. After consulting with both of his doctors, we decided to start chemotherapy again. It is the same Fulfury regimen that he had before, with the addition of a drug called Avastin which interferes with tumor blood supply. Nate started his first round on June 9th. He still tolerates the treatments pretty well, but has additional side effects from the new drug which include lots of nose bleeds, mouth sores, and slow healing time. He's also had a lot more fatigue.

True to his nature, he continues on with life. He works as much as he can, and his employer is a continued blessing and support to our family. We're so grateful for all the great people he works with.

He tries hard not to let the treatments slow him down. He's managed a few tee times with Seth and some friends, and two weeks ago he attended Scout Camp with Seth! They traveled down to Zion National Park where Nate helped the scouts on a rappelling adventure down a hike called Pine Creek. Seth loved the trip, and it was so great to have Nate there with him to share his love of adventure.

Seth rappelling in the "Cathedral"

In between the adventures with Seth, Nate and some of his buddies did Imlay Canyon...you've got to google this one! It was a 12 mile trip that took 18 hours of nonstop hiking/swimming/rappelling. They had to maneuver over 40 rappels! And Nate did it all on chemo...I just had to brag. 

Nate and Mike in a "simul rappel". Crazy.

Yep...they rappelled into that canyon.

We may have attended the Kiss/Def Leppard concert in June. How about Nate's hair? He fit right in with all the rockers. He was even sporting his chemo fanny pack...which also wasn't totally out of place. He wore the hat and hair for about an hour, and when he took it off, he had people freaking out all around him. He pulled the mullet off so beautifully that most of the women were thoroughly disappointed to learn it was fake. They were mostly pretty loopy, but the reaction was hilarious! I love this man. The concert was pretty good too!

Nate rocked the mullet!

I began writing this post June 23rd, at Nate's second chemo round. It took me a while to complete the post, and this week Nate completed his 3rd round of chemotherapy. I really wasn't sure if I'd share my blog anymore, but as word of the relapse got out, I've had so many people ask when I would post again. I realize there are so many of you that still root for Nate, and I want to give everyone access to these updates. I've also realized how much strength, support, and love we've gleaned from all the responses to these posts. Your well wishes have literally helped keep us sane. It's an overwhelming comfort for us to know that our family is in your thoughts and prayers. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and have seen miracles occur in my family because of your faith.

As a mom, it's been more challenging for me to deal with Nate having chemo during the summer. It's not easy for our kids to watch him be fatigued and green all day. It's difficult to plan outings because I'm constantly worried how Nate will be feeling. We're all getting pretty tired of cancer and wish it would just leave us alone! I haven't felt as "strong" this time, and I know the stress takes its toll on the kids, and especially on Nate. As a good friend put it, we are "weary". However, we are not even close to giving up. Nate will continue through one more round of chemo, then have scans. Depending on the result, he will either continue with chemo (if it seems effective), or we will begin thinking about another trip to Boston for more surgery. We pray every day that the chemo is killing the cancer and that there will be a positive difference in the scans.

My sister recently spoke about having patience, and gave the definition from the scriptures as "calm endurance". What a perfect description of the way Nate continues to press forward. Calm endurance. 

Chemo #6/Chemo #12/Chemo #17

Is it Groundhog Day? I swear we've been here before!?

Today marks the beginning of Nate's 6th round of Folfiri Chemo. Today also marks the 115th day of this treatment, the beginning of the 12th round (if you add the two Folfiri cycles together), and the beginning of Nate's 17th overall round of chemo. Most importantly, today marks the beginning of Nate's LAST round of chemo!

I haven't posted since Nate's fourth round, about a month ago. I honestly don't know where the time goes. One minute it seems like we're moving along at slow motion, and the next thing I know, a month has passed me by! Here's the update:

While Nate was being infused in the clinic during his fourth round, I sat next to him in "stall out" mode for almost four hours before I finally went to the front office to schedule his prescribed scans. "If I don't schedule the scans, and he doesn't have the scans, there won't be anything to see on the scans, and we won't get any bad news about the scans, right?! Right?!" Honestly, I'm not that unrealistic, I swear! However, it has been rather entertaining to see, in hind sight, the nasty toll that anxiety can have on a girl. I scheduled the scans (Abdominal CT and full body PET) for May 6th. Nate was fine with it (of course he was!), and reminded me that just because we didn't know there was something there (more tumors, etc.), didn't mean it wasn't there. I spent the next week trying not to think about it, and Nate spent the week trying not to think about the 2 1/2 liters of barium sulfate contrast he would have to drink.

Nate survived the scans and even finished in record time! Now it was time to wait for the results until the following Monday. I over nighted the scans to Dr. Lambert, in Massachusetts, with a note that asked her to talk to our doctor here by Monday so we could get both of their opinions at the same time. If you recall, the last scan results we received were viewed completely differently by our two doctors and we spent a week in a horrible limbo as we waited for Dr. Lambert to compare them to prior scans to determine if things were growing or shrinking. It was a mess.

We had a good time distracting ourselves that week. We started our yard work, dealt with our crazy fighting hamsters (which we eventually had to separate, really?!), and to top it off, we got chickens!

Emma and Patty (and new bangs)

Sam and Roxy

Sydney and Stella

Nate and Zoe

Ever seen painted chicken toenails?

 We started with six. Everybody got to choose and name their own. We have, in order from Nate's hen down, Ruby, Stella, Joekeim, Patty (like a chicken patty, nice), Jack, and Zoe. They were all so cute, and I couldn't help myself, so I went back the next week and got one more chick named Roxy. You know, just in case one of the hens turns out to be a rooster. We've spent the last 4 weeks obsessing over chicken coop plans and finally started construction last week! It's good to have a project, and I love to watch Nate build things...he's got quite a talent!

As with every April and May, life gets crazy! Sydney turned six, both of the boys are in the full swing of baseball season, Seth ran track, Sydney started her soccer season, and both Sydney and Emma finished up their year of dance with the Spring recital. Sam is now a Cub Scout. Seth has earned his Life Rank in Scouts, and we're getting him ready for the National Jamboree in July. End of level testing, field trips galore, new bangs for Emma (you ladies know what I'm talking about), piano recital, swim and tennis lesson registration, and Spring Fever abounds! We pulled our trailer out of storage and went on our first camp out over Memorial Day weekend up in Idaho with my family. We had a great time fishing and canoeing, swimming, and just being together. It felt so normal! It was great.

 

 

Sydney and Daddy cuddling at Seth's track meet, before Sydney's soccer game...phew!

Sam earned his Bobcat! 

Sydney is six!

Happy Teenage Cousins

Hanging out in the trailer

Sydney and Emma's Spring Recital

Do they look a little guilty to you?

Forgive me, I digress...we had a lovely Mother's Day weekend, and managed to make it to Monday morning. Our appointment was early, and we were both pretty anxious. We really haven't ever received good news from a scan so we were bracing ourselves. I can never read our doctor's face when he comes into the room. He always looks like he's prepared himself for the worst when he walks through the door. This time was no exception as he looked at Nate, shook our hands, and seemed to have a rush of relief when he saw how good Nate seemed to be. He asked the usual; how are you guys?, anything new?, how did the last round go? He finally sat down and looked right at us and said, "So the scans looked good. Really, really good". What?! Nate and I both broke into tears (I was so happy I had the ugly face cry). As we composed ourselves, he told us that he'd spoken with Dr. Lambert and that she agreed with the assessment. He read us part of her email that said something like, "We can count this a victory in this battle".

There were a few lymph nodes that showed up on the PET scan that will need to be watched. Nate has had lots and lots of lymph nodes removed and biopsied in every surgery, and all have had no sign of cancer. Both doctors also agree that it is very atypical for this cancer to spread through the nodes, so we are hopeful that there's nothing going on. The main areas we want to watch are those where he's had tumor removed, and they all looked good on these scans. We will take it!

I'll admit that the relief wasn't as complete as I would like, but I think it just comes with the territory. Probably some defense mechanism we use so if we ever have to hear bad news, we won't be so utterly crushed. We both had a little adrenaline rush, and I spent the next hour talking Nate's ear off about all the plans I wanted to make. That's another nasty toll that anxiety has taken on us. It's hard to plan things when you're so uncertain of what the future holds. I know that none of us knows what the future holds, but when you're standing on the tracks, staring at an oncoming train, knowing it could either take the switch or run you down, it just seems a little more in your face. Ya know what I mean? That's a metaphor Nate got in trouble for using about a year ago...see how much I've grown?!

When we told the kids about the scan results later that day, our cute Seth said, "Baller!", a new endearing term he uses. Sydney just gave a big long hug. Sam got a big smile and said, "Awesome! Does that mean he's done?". And Emma just smiled and smiled before she skipped upstairs. It's a blessing to watch some of the burden lifted from these sweet little children. I've always known that life was never meant to be fair, but I think every parent wishes it was! It's hard to watch our kids try to deal with something that most adults don't even know how to handle. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches us where we can place our faith, and where we can land when it gets too difficult. I'm so thankful for the soft places we've found on this journey.

I can't remember the last time that I slept as well as I did that night. Funny thing was that I was completely exhausted the rest of the week! Nate was on chemo so he was exhausted anyways, but he had the same kind of reaction as I did. Maybe all that adrenaline and stress that we've learned to carry and incorporate into everything we do finally started releasing its grip? It's amazing how our bodies find a way to get us through.

The plan is for Nate to finish up chemo with his 6th round (today through Thursday), then he'll meet with his doctor in late July when his port will need to be flushed, and at that point we'll schedule more scans for August or September. We are actually on the "surveillance plan"!

Nate humored me as I snapped pictures of him leaving the chemo clinic, hopefully for the last time!

Until then, we will try our hardest to make up for last summer and enjoy the time with our kids. We pray for continued strength, good health, guidance, and patience. I can't wait to see Nate feel well again! It's been so long that I'm not sure he even remembers what it's like, but I hope he's pleasantly surprised when it finally comes. He's an amazing man and I'm so proud of the way he's endured and pushed through this trial. I'm so grateful for the example he sets for me and our kids. His positive attitude has carried our family through some pretty hopeless moments and I'll be forever grateful for him and for the strength and resilience he's been blessed with.

Once again, thank you all for raising us up this last year and a half. The gratitude we have is impossible to express through words alone. I've gotten so far behind on thank you notes and such, but I pray that you believe me when I say that we could not have survived this long without all of our sweet family and friends who've helped us so much. I'm amazed at my husband, as I know many of you are as well. I've found a new appreciation for him as I've realized how many of you love him and care for his well being. It makes me love him more! It's humbling to know that so many people think so highly of him, and that so many have stood by his side when things got really tough. I've always known what a good man my husband is, and now I know that others see his goodness too.We realize that you've all had the choice of whether or not to invest your time and emotion in our family's trial. We thank you all for walking with us, for crying with us, for praying with us, and for loving us. Your words of encouragement and your prayers offered cause us to thank our Heavenly Father everyday for the blessing you've all been in our lives.

Until next time, love to all!

Would You Rather...

I haven't posted for quite some time!  We've had a pretty eventful month, mostly in La La Land, and I didn't realize it had been so long. Nate did well with his second round and we fell in love all over again with the miracle drug Emend. We're so grateful for anything that helps Nate live life! The second round was March 18 and Nate got to take a little break until April 15 so we could take a family vacation over spring break. Round three went so well that he made some comment on FB that  maybe he's become immune to the poison. Glad he did so well, but I have this silly notion that if he's not feeling sick, the chemo isn't doing it's job. I know, I know....Just one more indication that I could probably use some counseling at this point! Haha.

Today Nate starts his fourth round and if he stays on track he will be done with this chemo the last week of May. He's scheduled for a PET scan and contrast MRI next Monday and we'll get results the following Monday. This will be the new baseline. Hey!? I've heard that before! Nothing like a week to wait, and think, and think some more! Praying for strength and comfort, and of course good news!

In November of 2011, just before this all began, we took our kids to Oahu for a surprise vacation. We loved it so much that while we were still there, we purchased another week on the Big Island which had to be used within 18 months. We figured we could accrue enough sky miles to get all six of us there in that amount of time and planned to take the trip over spring break of 2013 (the 18th month). But then February came and reality slapped us in the face and we weren't sure if we'd get to take our trip. Glad we didn't tell the kids! We finally decided, with much coaxing from my level headed husband, that we would book the trip. We are so glad we did! We had a fantastic time spending time together as a family. When we told Nate's doctor about the trip he insisted that Nate take time off chemo so he could enjoy Hawaii. By the time we left, Nate had been off chemo for 2 weeks and was feeling pretty well! My favorite thing about the trip was watching our kids enjoy their dad, and watching their dad feeling well enough to enjoy them...it almost felt like "normal"! In fact, I went for hours without thinking about the 'C' word. I think that's a record for me!

Our favorite beach. We had so much fun boogie boarding!

High tide was amazing! A little too much surf for these land locked tourists! Of course Seth got right in the middle of it!

On top of the world at Mauna Kea

Snow in Hawaii? We went from rain forest to snow to beach all in one day!

Nate and Sydney having a little Daddy Daughter time during our souvenir shopping in Kona

We loved the Big Island and briefly considered permanent residence there, but decided we'd miss the cold, dry Utah winters. We actually schemed about how we could convince our family and friends to relocate with us, but finally figured that would be a no go. We visited Volcano National Park, Mauna Kea where the famous observatories are (snow and all), every side of the island, and of course the beautiful beaches! There's something about a vacation that brings out the best in our kids. I love watching them love each other. I think they needed a break from life as much as Nate and I. We're so grateful we had this opportunity!

A little male bonding time!

Seth making a putt for par!

We loved the pool! We spent the day here when Nate and Seth went golfing!

Walking on the beach the first day I looked down just in time to see this heart shaped coral wash up on the sand. It was a great sign!

Just a week after we got home, Nate had a business round table in beautiful South Carolina. I was able to tag along so we decided to stay for the weekend. Neither of us had ever been there so it was a treat to see that part of the country! There was a PGA tour event that we were able to attend and I played my first 18 hole round of golf! We had a great time riding bikes on the beach, eating good food (like grits and bananas foster, yum), and spending time together!

Nate at the PGA Tour event at Hilton Head, S.C.

I'm not sure if all that time spent in La La Land was the smartest thing we could've done, but it sure was dreamy! The re-entry wasn't too bad, but we hit the ground running! Soccer, baseball, and track meets started right when we got back and we didn't have a whole lot of time to think about reality. I'll count that as a blessing!

On our way to Nate's third round of chemo, I realized I'd started a pity party...I'm such the party planner! I was feeling sorry for myself and for Nate and our kids, and I started wishing our plight away. When this happens, I try to remind myself that everyone has trials. I began searching for others on the freeway to see if I could see any obvious heartache. As I did this I began to play the "Would You Rather" game with Nate who, bless his heart, wasn't having any of it. I'd ask him things like, "Would you rather be homeless and holding a cardboard sign under the overpass, or have cancer?" "Cancer". "Would you rather be confined to a wheelchair, or have cancer?" "Cancer". It went on and on with every trial I could think of and his answer was always the same. "Ugh", I thought! After feeling like a brat for trying to drag Nate down to my level, we spent a lovely morning together in the chemo clinic.

On our way home Nate switched the radio on and we learned about the bombing at the Boston Marathon that occurred while we were in the clinic. The news made me cry and I wondered what this world will be like when my children are grown and have children of their own. I opened my mouth to ask Nate another "Would You Rather" scenario, and before any sound escaped my lips, he said, "Cancer". This time, I had to agree. I am married to an amazing man who consistently reminds me of my blessings. He keeps me afloat in this sea of life and I'm grateful beyond words for the blessing he is in my life.

Speaking of gratitude and humility, we're still amazed and humbled at all of you who still follow our adventure. We're grateful that we haven't been forgotten, and we love knowing that so many of you are still praying for Nate and our family. Thank you for your kind words of support and the service you render. We are blessed! Love to all!

Two Down....

It's hard to believe it's only been two weeks since I last posted! Apparently, we're not out of our time warp yet because it seems like two long months have gone by. Last I wrote, I was sitting in the infusion clinic with Nate assuming that all would go according to plan. I know, I know...I really need to abandon those expectations! You would think I would have learned by now! Twenty minutes after leaving the clinic, Nate "suggested" that I pull onto the shoulder of I-15 as he was feeling a little queasy. I think he was more than a little queasy, and I know the weeds would agree! I immediately had flashbacks of the effects of the very first round of chemo he did last March. I called the clinic, spoke to his very well-meaning nurse, and discovered that she had forgotten to give him the anti-nausea wonder drug he was supposed to get before the chemo infusion started. I took Nate home where his mom was waiting for us, left him in her care, and headed back to the clinic to pick up some oral meds that we hoped would help. Needles to say, Nate's first round of chemo did not go well!

The second day of chemo was one Nate would rather forget. Oh wait, he already did! In fact, he can't remember anything about the day including Sam's birthday party! Sam had 7 of his friends at our house and Nate can't remember any of it. We laugh about it now, but we're thankful the effects wore off and he woke up the next morning feeling more lucid. It was crazy because he's never reacted to the medications like that before. Instead of disconnecting himself, he chose to go to the clinic on Wednesday to have the nurses disconnect the port and give him some IV hydration. He really didn't recover until Wednesday of this last week. It was a tough one!

Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop when we're down and we had a lot going on. We finished up the birthday celebrations just in time for Sam's baptism day. He was baptized last Saturday, March 9th by Nate! Nate wasn't feeling well that morning, but true to his nature and his faith, he perked up just in time for the baptism. The baptism was wonderful, and we had lots of guests come over for dinner at our house afterward. It's always a special occasion to have friends and family gather together in our home. It's so good to watch Nate with his parents and his brothers. They are a special kind of medicine.

Sunday was daylight savings, and we were all so tired! With 9:00 church, I'm going to start a petition that we change the clocks on Friday night instead of Saturday! We all survived, but Monday morning I had four kids with fevers! Aaaahhhhhh!!! Luckily it was pretty short lived for all but Seth. He stayed home again on Tuesday. The germs didn't seem to affect Nate and he was able to work a full week! Friday was my birthday and we celebrated with the kids and Nate and I were able to go to dinner and a movie! Just like the "good old days"! Thanks Nate, for giving me a special day! Saturday morning was crazy busy and when everything finally settled down, Nate told me that he felt like he was feeling pretty much back to normal. Oh good...just in time for chemo on Monday! Thank goodness for the little breaks, even if it was only a day and a half!

Today went much better at the clinic. He received all the wonder drugs, plus an extra dose of one of the drugs that should help with some other side effects he's having. After a good long nap, he ate dinner AND held it down. He's still a little on the green side, but is doing much better than two weeks ago. We will take it!

Time Flies When You're Having...Fun?

I'll begin this post with a sincere apology to those of you who've been checking the blog for updates and not finding any. I know there are so many people out there who care for Nate and have wanted to know how he's doing. I'm sorry for keeping him all to myself. Truthfully, it's just been a hard couple of months, and I've been in one of my "funk" moods which lends to complete shutdown on my part. I'm gonna need some professional help if the sun doesn't start to shine soon! Nate continues to be the rock star we all know and love!    
 Here's what we've been up to...Nate's recovery has been a little slower than past surgeries. His energy hasn't come back as quickly, and his body is still trying to figure out all the new plumbing. He hasn't had any appetite to speak of, but we finally saw some progress when he went back for seconds last week at the annual Blue and Gold Cub Scout Banquet! That's always a good sign for any man! His wound finally closed up about two weeks ago, so that was one less thing for Nate to deal with morning and night. His pain finally eased up as well which obviously gives him more relief. It's funny because each time he's about to start another round of chemo, he starts feeling pretty good the week prior. It's a blessing that he's able to feel a little bit of "normal" before the treatments start. It's good for his outlook to get a glimpse of what the rest of us take for granted everyday!

Life's been pretty busy with the kids. They're all doing great! They all earned awesome report cards and are finishing up their basketball seasons and getting ready for Spring sports to start. Emma and Sam had their birthday this past Saturday (Emma is 11 and Sam is 8), and we had a good time celebrating up in Park City at a really cool Lego exhibit. We have a fun week planned for them which will wrap up with Sam's baptism this Saturday! None of them were very excited for Nate's treatments to start again and it makes me sad to see the weight they each carry. Our little Sydney keeps saying that she doesn't like Monday and wishes it were Tuesday. When I ask her why, she points at Nate and says, "You know!". I'm pretty sure she's verbalizing what everyone else is thinking!

I had an opportunity to feel like a teenager again this month! A couple days after Nate got home from the hospital in January, I noticed that my mouth was a little sore. The next morning I had a new tooth! Oh yay for me! Yes, my wisdom were coming in. After a quick x-ray at the dentist, it was decided that the two top wisdom teeth that were never supposed to come in, needed to come out. It wasn't that bad (I wouldn't want to do it again), but I can't help but think the timing could have been better. Nate wasn't feeling well at all, but he took great care of me! Our friends and neighbors also jumped to our rescue! Thanks friends and neighbors! Thanks also to the Tooth Fairy, who we now know visits Moms too!

We added two new members to our family, much to Dash the cat's bewilderment and dismay. Lucy and Nibbles have brought a little "normal" to our family and have provided distraction and a few laughs as well. Nate set up a "Hamster Cam" so we can track the little buggers when they escape. It's been fun, and so far the hamsters are surviving the cat!

Nate's been able to work the last couple of weeks and felt well enough to take a business trip last week. He's excited to start on some new projects there, and I can see how much it helps him to get back to life. We've been so blessed with his employer, and their patience has been amazing!

This morning Nate had his new port placed. His room was close to the nurse's station, and I could hear them talking about being short staffed and how they were waiting for someone to float over from another unit. It turned out that the nurse who floated over was one of my best friends in nursing school, and she'd never worked on the unit before. We were able to visit while Nate was in the procedure, and she popped in when she could to keep me company. When they brought Nate back, he told me that the radiology tech that scrubbed in for his procedure was our good friend/neighbor/home teacher for 6 years who we absolutely love! He only works at this facility one day a week. I know I've said it before, but I know there's no coincidence about it. They were there for us. It meant so much to me to realize that our Heavenly Father was sending His love by placing our friends in our path today.    

Nate's RN told him to come back anytime for a visit because they love fun patients! I love this man!

Now we're sitting at the infusion clinic waiting to start Nate's first of six rounds of chemo. The chemo will be the same as the last time so we're hoping and praying that he will tolerate it as well as he did before. The schedule is also the same so it will be every other Monday in the clinic, home with the pump, and he'll disconnect himself on Wednesdays. He should finish up around the time the kids get out of school. We're all looking forward to a great summer!

Thanks everyone for not forgetting about us. We're grateful for the care we've received and for all the thoughts and prayers offered on our behalf. This year has been more than rough, but I hope you all know that the love you've shown has carried us through. Love to All!

On The Mend

We've been in our "time warp" for a little over two weeks now, and I finally feel as though we're coming out of it. Day-to-day activities are slowly returning to normal, and I've been playing catch up with all the things that took back seat to Nate's surgery and recovery. Even with all the amazing help we had, the pull of wanting to be at the hospital with Nate, and knowing that my kids needed me at home was difficult. I can't imagine how hard it would have been this summer if Nate's surgeries would have taken place in Salt Lake City.

Nate is healing well. His wounds are mending, his blood work looks good, and he's gaining more strength each day. He's lost his hospital weight of 20 plus pounds, and is starting to feel more normal (whatever that means). His appetite is slowly coming back as evidenced by the popcorn and chips he ate yesterday! He's been very cautious about his diet, and is pretty tuned in to every rumble of his belly. He's still an excellent patient, and I'm so glad I get to be his nurse.

As I mentioned in my previous post, our surgeon saw no evidence of disease (NED) during the procedure. She felt pretty confident that what she saw was scar tissue, but sent biopsies to be sure. Unfortunately, one of the biopsies came back positive for cancer cells and mucin. This news came just two days after the surgery. At the time, I wondered if it would have been better had we not been given the NED status. Remember how I said the feeling of relief was so intense and it was like realizing you'd lost something only because you'd found it again? Well, it's amazing how that weight came hurdling back. The area that came back positive came from the mesentary of the small intestine, and was described as the size of three Nerds (the small hard candies) stuck together. Our surgeon was able to take the whole thing out, and didn't see anything else that resembled it. We are praying that now all the cancer is out, but knowing what an insidious type of cancer that it is, all three of Nate's doctors are recommending more intravenous chemotherapy.

I feel like I'm always the bearer of bad news, and it's probably why I haven't posted in a while. We only told our kids about it this last week. It was so wonderful to see the difference in them after we were given the NED, and we couldn't bring ourselves to tell them. They took the news with great faith, but I could see the weight land back on all four of them. I'm sad that they have to deal with all of this at such a young age, or ever! I'm thankful that they are more resilient than I am!

During the surgery, they took out Nate's port where he received his chemo directly into his jugular vein just above his heart. Things looked so good that they thought they could get rid of it. Now he'll have to have another port placed before he begins chemo in late February.

Often times we find ourselves needing to recognize and remind ourselves of the blessings we've experienced during this past year. One that I've reminded myself of over the past two weeks is that even though Nate had to endure the awful ileostomy for seven months, the surgery to reverse it allowed them to find this little tumor which didn't show up on his CT scans. It would not have been detected until it had grown large enough to be seen on a scan, and by that time it could have seeded elsewhere in his abdomen. So, even though I would have been perfectly happy to stick with the NED status, I'm thankful that we can treat Nate, and hopefully get him back to good health.

Back to the question I asked before...Do I wish we had never heard the NED news? No. The feeling of pure and utter relief and joy I felt that day is what I hope to feel again. It was awesome, like nothing I'd ever felt before. All at once my mind filled with things I didn't have space to think about over the last year. I was breathing again and my heart felt free, which may sound weird, but I know that some of you will be able to relate. My hope, our hope, is that we will get back to that place. I know what it feels like now, and I can't wait to feel it again! We know there's a plan in all of this and that we just have to keep fighting for now. Thanks again for the love and support we've felt. We're blessed to have so many people care for our family.