Time Time and More Time

Ahh time. We are now 14 hours into this, and have at least 2 1/2 hours more to go before we will get to see Nate. I can't even imagine how tired Dr. Lambert must be feeling. She is one amazing woman! 

Dr. Maykel, the colo-rectal surgeon, started his part at 4:00 and finished up at 7:15. I continue to be impressed with this team that Dr. Lambert put together. Dr. Maykel was able to remove all of the big tumor in Nate's lower pelvis that we were so worried about. It was tricky because the tumor had grown so large that it had compromised the vasculature around it. He had to dissect the tumor away from the colon, the rectum, from around the ureters, and a number of necessary blood vessels. This tumor also came out in one piece!

He said that the procedure went as he expected it to, and in his own words, "This is really the best case scenario". I'm starting to feel like things are too good to be true! Knock on wood! They did have to take some colon, but they connected it back together, leak tested it, and everything looked good. He left Dr. Lambert in the O.R. to finish cleaning some other small spots out of Nate's belly, and thought she might be another hour. That was 3 hours ago....

I just received a call from the circulating nurse who informed me that Nate is still doing well, is stable, and that Dr. Lambert was finishing up the de-bulking. Now for the crazy news...Dr. Lambert decided that the procedure went well enough that she felt comfortable administering the HIPEC! What?! They were just getting ready to begin the perfusion. Crazy. I'm so happy that the procedure went so well! I'm a little nervous about this HIPEC thing though. It's scary because I know how hard it was the last time, and all I can do is hope and pray that Nate will heal better this time around so he doesn't have any complications. It also caught me completely off guard because I was not expecting this!

I know he's had angels surrounding him today and that Dr. Lambert must have had heavenly help as well. I'm so grateful that so many of our prayers are being answered! I'll update as soon as I have an update!

Loving the Liver

Dr. Movahedi, the liver transplant surgeon, started his procedure at 10:30 this morning and finished up at 3:45. He was "very pleased" with the results, and when I asked if it was what he was expecting, he said, "It went better than he expected". Don't worry, I made him pinkie swear that he wasn't lying.

He said the tumor was completely wrapped around the caudate lobe, followed the portal vein down by the stomach and duodenum (beginning of small intestine connected to the stomach), and was pushing (not growing into) the right lobe (like a finger poking into a water balloon). They worked slowly, mm by mm chiseling the tumor away, and separating the tissue. Once they separated the tissue, he said he could pull the tumors out in one piece, and with some ease. He said there was less mucin than he expected, and that it looked localized around the tumors. He said it was a good thing he could get the tumor out now because it would have eventually squeezed off the duodenum and prevented Nate's stomach from emptying.

The Dr. drew the picture, I just labelled it. 

Now for the miracle of it.....yes, I said MIRACLE!!!

Nate has an anatomical abnormality (from birth), that about 5% of the population has. The liver is normally fed oxygen-rich blood through the hepatic artery, which has a right and a left branch. It lies right next to the portal vein (where the tumor had grown along), then splits into the left and right branch. These two branches bring oxygen to the different lobes of the liver. Instead of having both branches, Nate was born with only the left branch, and a gastric artery compensated to supply the upper part of the liver with oxygen-rich blood. In other words, an artery from his stomach feeds the liver with oxygen. I asked if it was consequential, and he said, "It was actually ideal". Because he was missing the right branch of the artery, it made it less complex because they didn't have to work around a major artery as they removed the tumor. The tumor could have also compromised the artery. 

"Ideal", "very pleased", and "better than expected" aren't words that we hear very often. Nate still has a long way to go in this procedure, but I'm grateful that this part is done and that the outcome is good. The colo-rectal surgeon, Dr. Maykel,  started on the lower pelvis as soon as the upper abdomen was complete. It could be 5 or 6 more hours before they close him up. Dr. Lambert also let me know that she's still undecided whether she will administer the HIPEC. This isn't surprising because at that point, she hadn't started exploring the lower abdomen.

my stopwatch....plus 90 minutes

Stay tuned! Grateful for anatomical abnormalities and an ever watchful Father in Heaven.

The Wait Begins

Good morning! Just a quick update...

We arrived at the Surgical Registration Desk at 7:15 this morning. Nate was his usual cheerful self as he joked around with the nurses and anesthesiology team. Dr. Lambert sent two LDS Resident med students to pre-op to offer Nate a priesthood blessing which Nate gladly accepted. One of them was from Pocatello, ID, and the other was from South Jordan, UT. We're so grateful that we can find access to priesthood blessings wherever we are! Dr. Lambert joined us at 8 and went over the consent forms. Nate will get an epidural for pain control, as well as general anesthesia. This will allow him to recover without narcotics for the next week if all goes smoothly. When it was time for us to leave, we prayed together with Dr. Lambert for a successful procedure, stamina and guidance for the surgeons, and of course for extra strength and wellness for Nate.

We left at 8:25. The circulating nurse called at 10:30 to update us. The procedure began at 9:03, and Dr. Movaheti (liver transplant surgeon) was there working on Nate's liver to remove the tumor there. She said everything was going well....whatever that means! Grateful for an update. Last time we never had an update until 12 hours into the procedure when the circulating nurse went off shift. This will help to pass the time!

Here We Go Again

We're on the count down. Nate and I said goodbye to our kids on Saturday night, and left early Sunday morning for Boston. We arrived in Worcester on Sunday afternoon and checked into the Hope Lodge. Yesterday was a busy day full of pre-op appointments. We met with all three surgeons on the surgical team, anesthesiology, had a two hour pre-op consult, chest x ray, and a visit to the pharmacy. We started at 8 a.m. and finished at 4:20. I guess it's good practice for all the sitting and waiting we'll be doing over the next month or so. We were very happy with the two surgeons Dr. Lambert asked to be on her team, and are so grateful that she would consider asking specialists to assist her on the surgery. We know we're in very good hands. One of the Dr.'s is a liver transplant surgeon, and the other is a colo-rectal surgeon. 

Boston, MA LDS Temple

We had a great day today! After a good night's sleep, we traveled about an hour to the Boston, MA LDS Temple, where we spent a couple of hours before we headed to the airport to pick up Nate's mom and my sister. They'll be here until Saturday night and are staying here at the Hope Lodge with us. I'm so grateful to have them here with us. I'm glad to have their company as we sit and wait during the surgery. 

Nate has to check into the hospital at 7:15 tomorrow morning. Dr. Lambert has him scheduled for the entire day in the O.R. We knew this was going to be another long procedure, but we weren't expecting another 14 hour day. Dr. Lambert said this procedure will be very much the same as the June 2012 surgery. The team will start in the upper abdomen at the liver. There's a large tumor up behind the liver that may require a resection of the liver to remove. This is where the liver transplant surgeon will help out. Dr. Lambert will then move down through the abdomen until she reaches the lower pelvis. At that point, the colo-rectal surgeon will come in to assist to remove a large tumor by the colon. If Dr. Lambert feels that Nate can handle it, and if she can get all visible tumor out, she will administer the HIPEC again. She seemed more hopeful that this was a possibility than the last time we spoke with her. Nate left the appointments feeling more at ease, and I left feeling more anxious. Go figure. We balance each other out so nicely. 

Always ready with a smile!

Nate is doing really well. He's cheerful, energetic, and always optimistic. I admire him in so many ways and I recognize the blessing he is in my life. I know that he would do anything for me and our kids, and this surgery is just one more evidence of that. I'm grateful that he's willing to receive more treatment in order to extend his time with us. I love him more than ever, and I pray that he will receive a complete healing. Tomorrow is another big day in this more than 2 1/2 year long journey, and we're hoping that this one will do the trick. Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers, and combined faith on his behalf. We're so grateful for the support we feel and hope you all know of our gratitude. 

Wish us luck!!!

Off To See The Wizard

Once again, time and life got the better of me and I've neglected to update our blog for almost two months! Today marks Nate's 11th treatment, and his 6th treatment of Vectibix (biological agent). He had a CT scan on October 16 to see if the Vectibix was making a difference, and to help us decide on timing for surgery in Boston. Thankfully, all of the tumors showed no growth since the last scan in late August. Ideally, we would've liked to see the tumors shrinking, but we will take "no growth" anyday! This is the first time that there's been no growth in visible tumors on the scans since late 2012, so we consider this good news! Since the tumors were still the same size, Nate's oncologist and Dr. Lambert recommended surgery as soon as possible to take advantage of the "no growth" window.

It took a few weeks to get surgery scheduled because we had to work with three different surgeons' schedules. Along with Dr. Lambert, there will be a colo-rectal surgeon, and a liver transplant surgeon (in case they need to resect some of Nate's liver). We both appreciate Dr. Lambert consulting with these other surgeons, and we absolutely trust her judgment. We're always glad to have any specialist on the case, so having three specialists in on the surgery is great! The goal of the surgery is to remove as much tumor and mucin as possible from the peritoneal cavity, which could include removing more bowel and portions of other organs. If they're able to remove all visible disease, Dr. Lambert will consider doing the HIPEC (shake-n-bake) treatment again, and will have it on stand-by in the O.R. While she doesn't think this is very probable, we know that miracles happen!

Nate is scheduled for surgery on November 12, with pre-op appointments on the 10th. We fly to Boston this Sunday, November 9, and have been told to expect to be there for a month. They estimate 10-14 days in the hospital and about two weeks before they'll give travel clearance. You all know what an optimist Nate is, and he's shooting for three weeks. I'm planning on a month because I'd rather be pleasantly surprised, but this is one bet I'd be happy to lose!

It's hard to believe we're doing this again, and it's killing us to leave our kids. We're not looking forward to spending Thanksgiving away from them! Fortunately, my parents are able to come from Idaho to stay with them at our house. Last time, we left during the summer and the kids didn't really have anything going on so they went up to Idaho for the 6 weeks we were gone. Now that they're in school, two years older, and they're running in every direction, having my parents come here to stay is a huge blessing. We don't want to disrupt their lives any more than we have to so we're very grateful that they can stay home and get spoiled by their grandparents. They can't wait for Grammy and Papa to get here!

Nate and I will stay at the Hope Lodge in Worcester, Massachusetts. This is another huge blessing. The Hope Lodge provides lodging, free of charge, to cancer patients and their caregiver. We stayed there during Nate's 2012 surgeries. It's a beautiful old Victorian mansion and it's only three miles from UMASS Hospital. It's nice to know we're going back to a familiar place and we don't have to figure things out all over again!

Nate's mom and my sister are once again flying out to be with us during the surgery and for a few days following. I'm hoping this surgery won't be 14 hours long like the other one was, but I'm so thankful that I'll have such good company again in the waiting room. Those waiting hours seem to tick by in a Twilight Zone fashion.

Since surgery was booked, Nate stopped receiving the chemical agents (the actual chemo) after his 9th round to prepare for surgery. This allows his body to get rid of the chemicals that can hinder tissue recovery, gain strength, and just have a break. He's still receiving the Vectibix infusion every two weeks (the biological agent doesn't compromise tissue), and the side effects have been pretty nasty. It causes a pretty severe skin rash, like teenage acne, that's supposed to peak at 6 weeks after treatment begins, level off, then become pretty mild for the remainder of the treatment. Unfortunately, Nate's peaked after 10 days, hasn't really leveled off, and certainly hasn't gotten any better. He received his 6th treatment today, and if it proves effective, he could stay on it forever. I'm praying that Nate gets some relief from the skin rash soon because I don't want him to have to deal with his recovery AND the rash. Grateful that it seems to be keeping the tumors from growing, but a little reprieve would be so nice!

Since I'll have some down time in Massachusetts, I'm planning to update the blog often for those of you that want to check on Nate. Please don't hesitate to call, text, email, FB, whatever, if you have any questions, a good joke, or any words of encouragement! We get a little stir crazy staring at hospital walls for weeks on end. Thanks again for the love we feel from so many of you! We are BLESSED!

Pray Big

                                  "True love is not so much a matter of romance
                                      as it is a matter of anxious concern for the 
                                                well being of one's companion."                                                   
                                                                                Gordon B Hinckley


I've been stalling on a new blog post for a month, and now I'm staring at this screen and my mind is blank. Hmm....Let's start with an update:

After four rounds (eight weeks) of the Folfiri treatment, Nate had another CT scan. Once again, we didn't get the results we were hoping for. The tumors looked bigger than they did in the last scans, which means that the chemotherapy hasn't been as effective as we'd hoped it would be. We also have to consider the fact that Nate didn't start chemo for a month after the initial scans, so the growth could have occurred during that time. We are so good at grasping at straws! Since we needed time to make some decisions, and since he only had four treatments, we decided to continue the chemo with the hope that it may be holding at least some cells at bay. 

We finally spoke with Nate's surgeon in Massachusetts about the scans, and she agreed that some of the tumors did look bigger. We discussed treatment options, and she wanted to consider surgery. She spent the next couple of weeks consulting three other surgeons about the case, and they all agreed that he could benefit from another surgery. Especially since he's "young, strong, and otherwise healthy". That's become one of my favorite phrases.


The surgery will be another long and involved procedure. Our surgeon will have two other surgeons assist her to debulk as much tumor as possible. The tumors are in some hard to reach places so she will have a liver guy and a bladder guy help her in those respective areas. She said that by agreeing to do another procedure we are "pushing the envelope", but that she really feels like Nate can handle it, and that it can help. There's risk involved because every time they go in, they have to deal with scar tissue and adhesion from prior procedures. The question most people ask is if Nate will have the HIPEC (Heated Inter Peritoneal Chemotherapy), or "Shake 'n Bake" as Nate affectionately calls it. The only way that will be considered is if all visible tumor and mucin can be removed during the procedure. They'll have it on stand-by in the O.R. in case this little miracle comes to fruition. We still aren't sure about the exact timing, but it looks like we'll be heading East sometime in November. 

Since the chemo doesn't seem all that effective, they've changed it up a bit. Nate will still get the Irinotecan (part of the Folfiri chemo), but will no longer receive the 5-FU, which is the chemo agent he carries around in the fanny pack for 46 hours. Nate's really going to miss that fanny pack. He also won't get the Avastin, which is the drug that interferes with tumor blood supply. In place of these he receives something called Vectibix, which is a biologic agent and not a chemotherapy in the traditional sense. It's an antibody therapy which targets and attaches to the proteins used to produce and maintain cancer cells. This treatment works for patients who don't have a KRAS mutation, which Nate does not, so he could very well benefit from the treatment (see how good we are at grasping?). The plan is to continue this concoction through 8 or 9 treatments (he has to be off of it for 4 weeks prior to surgery), and he will continue with the Vectibix every two weeks right up until surgery. More scans will be scheduled for late October. If the Vectibix works to shrink the tumors, there's a chance that they may want Nate to hold off on surgery and continue that therapy longer until he has reached a maximum benefit, meaning that the tumors will shrink to a point and then level off. 

 I hope that brings everyone up to date. Nate is currently receiving his 7th treatment (2nd of Vectibix), and will have at least one more just like this. The Vectibix has a nasty side effect of a severe acne rash, which started this past week. It's really the first time he's had an obvious side effect to his appearance, so you might be able to tell that he really is on chemotherapy! I don't know how this husband of mine does it, but he still isn't complaining. I'm grateful for his courage and easy going nature. I'm grateful for the perspective he has and how he takes advantage of the time we have together as a family. 

We are currently praying for an increased measure of strength for Nate, that the Vectibix will obliterate the cancer cells which will shrink the tumors, and in turn make them easier to remove in surgery, and that we will continue to be guided through this trial. Like I've said before, we believe in the power of prayer and combined faith, so we invite all who would like to join us in our petition on Nate's behalf. I saw a sign at the store the other day that I've seen before, but this time it really made me think about how grateful I am to have a Father in Heaven who loves me and my family. The sign had just two words, "Pray Big". So that's what the Hardy Family is going to do. Miracles happen! 

Love to all. 

Calm Endurance

As Nate and I sit here in the Infusion Clinic, I struggle to know how to start this update. It's been over a year since I last posted, and I could write a book! Don't worry, I'll spare you most of the details and try for a condensed version...maybe?

We've had a beautiful year! Nate had his last treatments at the end of May and we thoroughly enjoyed being on the "surveillance plan". We partied all summer and tried our best to make up for the summer before. We took the trailer out a few times and fished, rappelled, and hiked. We spent time at the cabin in Bear Lake with Nate's parents and our friends. We spent lots of time at the pool, finished our chicken coop, and just tried to enjoy life.

Seth went on his 3 week adventure to the Boy Scout Jamboree in June. He toured Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, and DC for 10 days then headed to the Jamboree site in West Virginia for another 10 days. He had a great experience!

Happy Airport Reunion!

Our chicks are all grown up now and they love their new digs. They lay 5 to 7 eggs every day. They've been so fun!

Nate rocked this coop!

Emma began competition dance and kept busy with that all summer. She loves to dance and has improved so much! She danced 6 hours every week, and had a very successful competition season. It's been so good for her to have something to focus on. After attending Emma's competitions, Sydney decided it all looked pretty fun and decided to join the competition team this year. We look forward to watching our girls dance together!

This year we decided to get Snow Basin passes (a result of Nate's "seize the day" perspective), and we had a wonderful time skiing as a family! The kids improved so much, and Seth caught the bug. He wanted to spend as much time as possible on the mountain. He even chose to spend his 14th birthday skiing with me and Nate! We'll enjoy that while we can!

Happy 14th Birthday Seth!

Emma and Sam share a birthday, and turned 12 and 9. I can't believe how fast the time flies by! Emma entered the Young Women's Program at church so we get to hang out at our weekly mutual activities. Sydney turned 7 and is proving to be "all girl". As soccer registration approached, I asked her if she wanted to play again and after she considered it for a moment, she said, "Well, I think I'll take a break. Soccer just makes me breathe too hard!" It's so fun to watch these kids grow up and see their unique personalities emerge.

Happy birthday Emma and Sam!

So grown up! It's killing me!

Happy 7th Birthday! Our Baby?!?
                                         

Hiking in St. George

Chichen Itza

In February, Nate and I snuck away to Cancun with my sister and her husband....we highly recommend it! It was great Vitamin D therapy!

Nate coached Sam's Mustang team this year! They had a great season, and it was so great to watch Nate coach again! He did a great job, and Sam loved learning how to play catcher from his dad. Sam went on to play for the Farmington Allstar team!

Nate has continued to have CT and PET scans every 3 months this year.  Even though it's been stressful as we've had to anticipate scan results so often, it was so nice to have such a long break from treatments! We know that all cancer patients don't get to do this very often, and we feel so blessed that we had this time. After his January scans, our doctors could see some suspicious areas and wanted to get a PET scan. The PET results came back better than expected, so they wanted to wait 3 more months and repeat scans to see if anything had changed. Appendix cancer is so hard to detect and monitor on scans because the tumors have to get big enough before they show up, and they don't always show uptake from the PET scans.

Unfortunately, the May scan results showed definite growth in a few areas, and Nate has relapsed. It wasn't completely unexpected, but we had hoped to have more time before the cancer came back. After consulting with both of his doctors, we decided to start chemotherapy again. It is the same Fulfury regimen that he had before, with the addition of a drug called Avastin which interferes with tumor blood supply. Nate started his first round on June 9th. He still tolerates the treatments pretty well, but has additional side effects from the new drug which include lots of nose bleeds, mouth sores, and slow healing time. He's also had a lot more fatigue.

True to his nature, he continues on with life. He works as much as he can, and his employer is a continued blessing and support to our family. We're so grateful for all the great people he works with.

He tries hard not to let the treatments slow him down. He's managed a few tee times with Seth and some friends, and two weeks ago he attended Scout Camp with Seth! They traveled down to Zion National Park where Nate helped the scouts on a rappelling adventure down a hike called Pine Creek. Seth loved the trip, and it was so great to have Nate there with him to share his love of adventure.

Seth rappelling in the "Cathedral"

In between the adventures with Seth, Nate and some of his buddies did Imlay Canyon...you've got to google this one! It was a 12 mile trip that took 18 hours of nonstop hiking/swimming/rappelling. They had to maneuver over 40 rappels! And Nate did it all on chemo...I just had to brag. 

Nate and Mike in a "simul rappel". Crazy.

Yep...they rappelled into that canyon.

We may have attended the Kiss/Def Leppard concert in June. How about Nate's hair? He fit right in with all the rockers. He was even sporting his chemo fanny pack...which also wasn't totally out of place. He wore the hat and hair for about an hour, and when he took it off, he had people freaking out all around him. He pulled the mullet off so beautifully that most of the women were thoroughly disappointed to learn it was fake. They were mostly pretty loopy, but the reaction was hilarious! I love this man. The concert was pretty good too!

Nate rocked the mullet!

I began writing this post June 23rd, at Nate's second chemo round. It took me a while to complete the post, and this week Nate completed his 3rd round of chemotherapy. I really wasn't sure if I'd share my blog anymore, but as word of the relapse got out, I've had so many people ask when I would post again. I realize there are so many of you that still root for Nate, and I want to give everyone access to these updates. I've also realized how much strength, support, and love we've gleaned from all the responses to these posts. Your well wishes have literally helped keep us sane. It's an overwhelming comfort for us to know that our family is in your thoughts and prayers. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and have seen miracles occur in my family because of your faith.

As a mom, it's been more challenging for me to deal with Nate having chemo during the summer. It's not easy for our kids to watch him be fatigued and green all day. It's difficult to plan outings because I'm constantly worried how Nate will be feeling. We're all getting pretty tired of cancer and wish it would just leave us alone! I haven't felt as "strong" this time, and I know the stress takes its toll on the kids, and especially on Nate. As a good friend put it, we are "weary". However, we are not even close to giving up. Nate will continue through one more round of chemo, then have scans. Depending on the result, he will either continue with chemo (if it seems effective), or we will begin thinking about another trip to Boston for more surgery. We pray every day that the chemo is killing the cancer and that there will be a positive difference in the scans.

My sister recently spoke about having patience, and gave the definition from the scriptures as "calm endurance". What a perfect description of the way Nate continues to press forward. Calm endurance. 

Chemo #6/Chemo #12/Chemo #17

Is it Groundhog Day? I swear we've been here before!?

Today marks the beginning of Nate's 6th round of Folfiri Chemo. Today also marks the 115th day of this treatment, the beginning of the 12th round (if you add the two Folfiri cycles together), and the beginning of Nate's 17th overall round of chemo. Most importantly, today marks the beginning of Nate's LAST round of chemo!

I haven't posted since Nate's fourth round, about a month ago. I honestly don't know where the time goes. One minute it seems like we're moving along at slow motion, and the next thing I know, a month has passed me by! Here's the update:

While Nate was being infused in the clinic during his fourth round, I sat next to him in "stall out" mode for almost four hours before I finally went to the front office to schedule his prescribed scans. "If I don't schedule the scans, and he doesn't have the scans, there won't be anything to see on the scans, and we won't get any bad news about the scans, right?! Right?!" Honestly, I'm not that unrealistic, I swear! However, it has been rather entertaining to see, in hind sight, the nasty toll that anxiety can have on a girl. I scheduled the scans (Abdominal CT and full body PET) for May 6th. Nate was fine with it (of course he was!), and reminded me that just because we didn't know there was something there (more tumors, etc.), didn't mean it wasn't there. I spent the next week trying not to think about it, and Nate spent the week trying not to think about the 2 1/2 liters of barium sulfate contrast he would have to drink.

Nate survived the scans and even finished in record time! Now it was time to wait for the results until the following Monday. I over nighted the scans to Dr. Lambert, in Massachusetts, with a note that asked her to talk to our doctor here by Monday so we could get both of their opinions at the same time. If you recall, the last scan results we received were viewed completely differently by our two doctors and we spent a week in a horrible limbo as we waited for Dr. Lambert to compare them to prior scans to determine if things were growing or shrinking. It was a mess.

We had a good time distracting ourselves that week. We started our yard work, dealt with our crazy fighting hamsters (which we eventually had to separate, really?!), and to top it off, we got chickens!

Emma and Patty (and new bangs)

Sam and Roxy

Sydney and Stella

Nate and Zoe

Ever seen painted chicken toenails?

 We started with six. Everybody got to choose and name their own. We have, in order from Nate's hen down, Ruby, Stella, Joekeim, Patty (like a chicken patty, nice), Jack, and Zoe. They were all so cute, and I couldn't help myself, so I went back the next week and got one more chick named Roxy. You know, just in case one of the hens turns out to be a rooster. We've spent the last 4 weeks obsessing over chicken coop plans and finally started construction last week! It's good to have a project, and I love to watch Nate build things...he's got quite a talent!

As with every April and May, life gets crazy! Sydney turned six, both of the boys are in the full swing of baseball season, Seth ran track, Sydney started her soccer season, and both Sydney and Emma finished up their year of dance with the Spring recital. Sam is now a Cub Scout. Seth has earned his Life Rank in Scouts, and we're getting him ready for the National Jamboree in July. End of level testing, field trips galore, new bangs for Emma (you ladies know what I'm talking about), piano recital, swim and tennis lesson registration, and Spring Fever abounds! We pulled our trailer out of storage and went on our first camp out over Memorial Day weekend up in Idaho with my family. We had a great time fishing and canoeing, swimming, and just being together. It felt so normal! It was great.

 

 

Sydney and Daddy cuddling at Seth's track meet, before Sydney's soccer game...phew!

Sam earned his Bobcat! 

Sydney is six!

Happy Teenage Cousins

Hanging out in the trailer

Sydney and Emma's Spring Recital

Do they look a little guilty to you?

Forgive me, I digress...we had a lovely Mother's Day weekend, and managed to make it to Monday morning. Our appointment was early, and we were both pretty anxious. We really haven't ever received good news from a scan so we were bracing ourselves. I can never read our doctor's face when he comes into the room. He always looks like he's prepared himself for the worst when he walks through the door. This time was no exception as he looked at Nate, shook our hands, and seemed to have a rush of relief when he saw how good Nate seemed to be. He asked the usual; how are you guys?, anything new?, how did the last round go? He finally sat down and looked right at us and said, "So the scans looked good. Really, really good". What?! Nate and I both broke into tears (I was so happy I had the ugly face cry). As we composed ourselves, he told us that he'd spoken with Dr. Lambert and that she agreed with the assessment. He read us part of her email that said something like, "We can count this a victory in this battle".

There were a few lymph nodes that showed up on the PET scan that will need to be watched. Nate has had lots and lots of lymph nodes removed and biopsied in every surgery, and all have had no sign of cancer. Both doctors also agree that it is very atypical for this cancer to spread through the nodes, so we are hopeful that there's nothing going on. The main areas we want to watch are those where he's had tumor removed, and they all looked good on these scans. We will take it!

I'll admit that the relief wasn't as complete as I would like, but I think it just comes with the territory. Probably some defense mechanism we use so if we ever have to hear bad news, we won't be so utterly crushed. We both had a little adrenaline rush, and I spent the next hour talking Nate's ear off about all the plans I wanted to make. That's another nasty toll that anxiety has taken on us. It's hard to plan things when you're so uncertain of what the future holds. I know that none of us knows what the future holds, but when you're standing on the tracks, staring at an oncoming train, knowing it could either take the switch or run you down, it just seems a little more in your face. Ya know what I mean? That's a metaphor Nate got in trouble for using about a year ago...see how much I've grown?!

When we told the kids about the scan results later that day, our cute Seth said, "Baller!", a new endearing term he uses. Sydney just gave a big long hug. Sam got a big smile and said, "Awesome! Does that mean he's done?". And Emma just smiled and smiled before she skipped upstairs. It's a blessing to watch some of the burden lifted from these sweet little children. I've always known that life was never meant to be fair, but I think every parent wishes it was! It's hard to watch our kids try to deal with something that most adults don't even know how to handle. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches us where we can place our faith, and where we can land when it gets too difficult. I'm so thankful for the soft places we've found on this journey.

I can't remember the last time that I slept as well as I did that night. Funny thing was that I was completely exhausted the rest of the week! Nate was on chemo so he was exhausted anyways, but he had the same kind of reaction as I did. Maybe all that adrenaline and stress that we've learned to carry and incorporate into everything we do finally started releasing its grip? It's amazing how our bodies find a way to get us through.

The plan is for Nate to finish up chemo with his 6th round (today through Thursday), then he'll meet with his doctor in late July when his port will need to be flushed, and at that point we'll schedule more scans for August or September. We are actually on the "surveillance plan"!

Nate humored me as I snapped pictures of him leaving the chemo clinic, hopefully for the last time!

Until then, we will try our hardest to make up for last summer and enjoy the time with our kids. We pray for continued strength, good health, guidance, and patience. I can't wait to see Nate feel well again! It's been so long that I'm not sure he even remembers what it's like, but I hope he's pleasantly surprised when it finally comes. He's an amazing man and I'm so proud of the way he's endured and pushed through this trial. I'm so grateful for the example he sets for me and our kids. His positive attitude has carried our family through some pretty hopeless moments and I'll be forever grateful for him and for the strength and resilience he's been blessed with.

Once again, thank you all for raising us up this last year and a half. The gratitude we have is impossible to express through words alone. I've gotten so far behind on thank you notes and such, but I pray that you believe me when I say that we could not have survived this long without all of our sweet family and friends who've helped us so much. I'm amazed at my husband, as I know many of you are as well. I've found a new appreciation for him as I've realized how many of you love him and care for his well being. It makes me love him more! It's humbling to know that so many people think so highly of him, and that so many have stood by his side when things got really tough. I've always known what a good man my husband is, and now I know that others see his goodness too.We realize that you've all had the choice of whether or not to invest your time and emotion in our family's trial. We thank you all for walking with us, for crying with us, for praying with us, and for loving us. Your words of encouragement and your prayers offered cause us to thank our Heavenly Father everyday for the blessing you've all been in our lives.

Until next time, love to all!

Would You Rather...

I haven't posted for quite some time!  We've had a pretty eventful month, mostly in La La Land, and I didn't realize it had been so long. Nate did well with his second round and we fell in love all over again with the miracle drug Emend. We're so grateful for anything that helps Nate live life! The second round was March 18 and Nate got to take a little break until April 15 so we could take a family vacation over spring break. Round three went so well that he made some comment on FB that  maybe he's become immune to the poison. Glad he did so well, but I have this silly notion that if he's not feeling sick, the chemo isn't doing it's job. I know, I know....Just one more indication that I could probably use some counseling at this point! Haha.

Today Nate starts his fourth round and if he stays on track he will be done with this chemo the last week of May. He's scheduled for a PET scan and contrast MRI next Monday and we'll get results the following Monday. This will be the new baseline. Hey!? I've heard that before! Nothing like a week to wait, and think, and think some more! Praying for strength and comfort, and of course good news!

In November of 2011, just before this all began, we took our kids to Oahu for a surprise vacation. We loved it so much that while we were still there, we purchased another week on the Big Island which had to be used within 18 months. We figured we could accrue enough sky miles to get all six of us there in that amount of time and planned to take the trip over spring break of 2013 (the 18th month). But then February came and reality slapped us in the face and we weren't sure if we'd get to take our trip. Glad we didn't tell the kids! We finally decided, with much coaxing from my level headed husband, that we would book the trip. We are so glad we did! We had a fantastic time spending time together as a family. When we told Nate's doctor about the trip he insisted that Nate take time off chemo so he could enjoy Hawaii. By the time we left, Nate had been off chemo for 2 weeks and was feeling pretty well! My favorite thing about the trip was watching our kids enjoy their dad, and watching their dad feeling well enough to enjoy them...it almost felt like "normal"! In fact, I went for hours without thinking about the 'C' word. I think that's a record for me!

Our favorite beach. We had so much fun boogie boarding!

High tide was amazing! A little too much surf for these land locked tourists! Of course Seth got right in the middle of it!

On top of the world at Mauna Kea

Snow in Hawaii? We went from rain forest to snow to beach all in one day!

Nate and Sydney having a little Daddy Daughter time during our souvenir shopping in Kona

We loved the Big Island and briefly considered permanent residence there, but decided we'd miss the cold, dry Utah winters. We actually schemed about how we could convince our family and friends to relocate with us, but finally figured that would be a no go. We visited Volcano National Park, Mauna Kea where the famous observatories are (snow and all), every side of the island, and of course the beautiful beaches! There's something about a vacation that brings out the best in our kids. I love watching them love each other. I think they needed a break from life as much as Nate and I. We're so grateful we had this opportunity!

A little male bonding time!

Seth making a putt for par!

We loved the pool! We spent the day here when Nate and Seth went golfing!

Walking on the beach the first day I looked down just in time to see this heart shaped coral wash up on the sand. It was a great sign!

Just a week after we got home, Nate had a business round table in beautiful South Carolina. I was able to tag along so we decided to stay for the weekend. Neither of us had ever been there so it was a treat to see that part of the country! There was a PGA tour event that we were able to attend and I played my first 18 hole round of golf! We had a great time riding bikes on the beach, eating good food (like grits and bananas foster, yum), and spending time together!

Nate at the PGA Tour event at Hilton Head, S.C.

I'm not sure if all that time spent in La La Land was the smartest thing we could've done, but it sure was dreamy! The re-entry wasn't too bad, but we hit the ground running! Soccer, baseball, and track meets started right when we got back and we didn't have a whole lot of time to think about reality. I'll count that as a blessing!

On our way to Nate's third round of chemo, I realized I'd started a pity party...I'm such the party planner! I was feeling sorry for myself and for Nate and our kids, and I started wishing our plight away. When this happens, I try to remind myself that everyone has trials. I began searching for others on the freeway to see if I could see any obvious heartache. As I did this I began to play the "Would You Rather" game with Nate who, bless his heart, wasn't having any of it. I'd ask him things like, "Would you rather be homeless and holding a cardboard sign under the overpass, or have cancer?" "Cancer". "Would you rather be confined to a wheelchair, or have cancer?" "Cancer". It went on and on with every trial I could think of and his answer was always the same. "Ugh", I thought! After feeling like a brat for trying to drag Nate down to my level, we spent a lovely morning together in the chemo clinic.

On our way home Nate switched the radio on and we learned about the bombing at the Boston Marathon that occurred while we were in the clinic. The news made me cry and I wondered what this world will be like when my children are grown and have children of their own. I opened my mouth to ask Nate another "Would You Rather" scenario, and before any sound escaped my lips, he said, "Cancer". This time, I had to agree. I am married to an amazing man who consistently reminds me of my blessings. He keeps me afloat in this sea of life and I'm grateful beyond words for the blessing he is in my life.

Speaking of gratitude and humility, we're still amazed and humbled at all of you who still follow our adventure. We're grateful that we haven't been forgotten, and we love knowing that so many of you are still praying for Nate and our family. Thank you for your kind words of support and the service you render. We are blessed! Love to all!