Chemo #6/Chemo #12/Chemo #17

Is it Groundhog Day? I swear we've been here before!?

Today marks the beginning of Nate's 6th round of Folfiri Chemo. Today also marks the 115th day of this treatment, the beginning of the 12th round (if you add the two Folfiri cycles together), and the beginning of Nate's 17th overall round of chemo. Most importantly, today marks the beginning of Nate's LAST round of chemo!

I haven't posted since Nate's fourth round, about a month ago. I honestly don't know where the time goes. One minute it seems like we're moving along at slow motion, and the next thing I know, a month has passed me by! Here's the update:

While Nate was being infused in the clinic during his fourth round, I sat next to him in "stall out" mode for almost four hours before I finally went to the front office to schedule his prescribed scans. "If I don't schedule the scans, and he doesn't have the scans, there won't be anything to see on the scans, and we won't get any bad news about the scans, right?! Right?!" Honestly, I'm not that unrealistic, I swear! However, it has been rather entertaining to see, in hind sight, the nasty toll that anxiety can have on a girl. I scheduled the scans (Abdominal CT and full body PET) for May 6th. Nate was fine with it (of course he was!), and reminded me that just because we didn't know there was something there (more tumors, etc.), didn't mean it wasn't there. I spent the next week trying not to think about it, and Nate spent the week trying not to think about the 2 1/2 liters of barium sulfate contrast he would have to drink.

Nate survived the scans and even finished in record time! Now it was time to wait for the results until the following Monday. I over nighted the scans to Dr. Lambert, in Massachusetts, with a note that asked her to talk to our doctor here by Monday so we could get both of their opinions at the same time. If you recall, the last scan results we received were viewed completely differently by our two doctors and we spent a week in a horrible limbo as we waited for Dr. Lambert to compare them to prior scans to determine if things were growing or shrinking. It was a mess.

We had a good time distracting ourselves that week. We started our yard work, dealt with our crazy fighting hamsters (which we eventually had to separate, really?!), and to top it off, we got chickens!

Emma and Patty (and new bangs)

Sam and Roxy

Sydney and Stella

Nate and Zoe

Ever seen painted chicken toenails?

 We started with six. Everybody got to choose and name their own. We have, in order from Nate's hen down, Ruby, Stella, Joekeim, Patty (like a chicken patty, nice), Jack, and Zoe. They were all so cute, and I couldn't help myself, so I went back the next week and got one more chick named Roxy. You know, just in case one of the hens turns out to be a rooster. We've spent the last 4 weeks obsessing over chicken coop plans and finally started construction last week! It's good to have a project, and I love to watch Nate build things...he's got quite a talent!

As with every April and May, life gets crazy! Sydney turned six, both of the boys are in the full swing of baseball season, Seth ran track, Sydney started her soccer season, and both Sydney and Emma finished up their year of dance with the Spring recital. Sam is now a Cub Scout. Seth has earned his Life Rank in Scouts, and we're getting him ready for the National Jamboree in July. End of level testing, field trips galore, new bangs for Emma (you ladies know what I'm talking about), piano recital, swim and tennis lesson registration, and Spring Fever abounds! We pulled our trailer out of storage and went on our first camp out over Memorial Day weekend up in Idaho with my family. We had a great time fishing and canoeing, swimming, and just being together. It felt so normal! It was great.

 

 

Sydney and Daddy cuddling at Seth's track meet, before Sydney's soccer game...phew!

Sam earned his Bobcat! 

Sydney is six!

Happy Teenage Cousins

Hanging out in the trailer

Sydney and Emma's Spring Recital

Do they look a little guilty to you?

Forgive me, I digress...we had a lovely Mother's Day weekend, and managed to make it to Monday morning. Our appointment was early, and we were both pretty anxious. We really haven't ever received good news from a scan so we were bracing ourselves. I can never read our doctor's face when he comes into the room. He always looks like he's prepared himself for the worst when he walks through the door. This time was no exception as he looked at Nate, shook our hands, and seemed to have a rush of relief when he saw how good Nate seemed to be. He asked the usual; how are you guys?, anything new?, how did the last round go? He finally sat down and looked right at us and said, "So the scans looked good. Really, really good". What?! Nate and I both broke into tears (I was so happy I had the ugly face cry). As we composed ourselves, he told us that he'd spoken with Dr. Lambert and that she agreed with the assessment. He read us part of her email that said something like, "We can count this a victory in this battle".

There were a few lymph nodes that showed up on the PET scan that will need to be watched. Nate has had lots and lots of lymph nodes removed and biopsied in every surgery, and all have had no sign of cancer. Both doctors also agree that it is very atypical for this cancer to spread through the nodes, so we are hopeful that there's nothing going on. The main areas we want to watch are those where he's had tumor removed, and they all looked good on these scans. We will take it!

I'll admit that the relief wasn't as complete as I would like, but I think it just comes with the territory. Probably some defense mechanism we use so if we ever have to hear bad news, we won't be so utterly crushed. We both had a little adrenaline rush, and I spent the next hour talking Nate's ear off about all the plans I wanted to make. That's another nasty toll that anxiety has taken on us. It's hard to plan things when you're so uncertain of what the future holds. I know that none of us knows what the future holds, but when you're standing on the tracks, staring at an oncoming train, knowing it could either take the switch or run you down, it just seems a little more in your face. Ya know what I mean? That's a metaphor Nate got in trouble for using about a year ago...see how much I've grown?!

When we told the kids about the scan results later that day, our cute Seth said, "Baller!", a new endearing term he uses. Sydney just gave a big long hug. Sam got a big smile and said, "Awesome! Does that mean he's done?". And Emma just smiled and smiled before she skipped upstairs. It's a blessing to watch some of the burden lifted from these sweet little children. I've always known that life was never meant to be fair, but I think every parent wishes it was! It's hard to watch our kids try to deal with something that most adults don't even know how to handle. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches us where we can place our faith, and where we can land when it gets too difficult. I'm so thankful for the soft places we've found on this journey.

I can't remember the last time that I slept as well as I did that night. Funny thing was that I was completely exhausted the rest of the week! Nate was on chemo so he was exhausted anyways, but he had the same kind of reaction as I did. Maybe all that adrenaline and stress that we've learned to carry and incorporate into everything we do finally started releasing its grip? It's amazing how our bodies find a way to get us through.

The plan is for Nate to finish up chemo with his 6th round (today through Thursday), then he'll meet with his doctor in late July when his port will need to be flushed, and at that point we'll schedule more scans for August or September. We are actually on the "surveillance plan"!

Nate humored me as I snapped pictures of him leaving the chemo clinic, hopefully for the last time!

Until then, we will try our hardest to make up for last summer and enjoy the time with our kids. We pray for continued strength, good health, guidance, and patience. I can't wait to see Nate feel well again! It's been so long that I'm not sure he even remembers what it's like, but I hope he's pleasantly surprised when it finally comes. He's an amazing man and I'm so proud of the way he's endured and pushed through this trial. I'm so grateful for the example he sets for me and our kids. His positive attitude has carried our family through some pretty hopeless moments and I'll be forever grateful for him and for the strength and resilience he's been blessed with.

Once again, thank you all for raising us up this last year and a half. The gratitude we have is impossible to express through words alone. I've gotten so far behind on thank you notes and such, but I pray that you believe me when I say that we could not have survived this long without all of our sweet family and friends who've helped us so much. I'm amazed at my husband, as I know many of you are as well. I've found a new appreciation for him as I've realized how many of you love him and care for his well being. It makes me love him more! It's humbling to know that so many people think so highly of him, and that so many have stood by his side when things got really tough. I've always known what a good man my husband is, and now I know that others see his goodness too.We realize that you've all had the choice of whether or not to invest your time and emotion in our family's trial. We thank you all for walking with us, for crying with us, for praying with us, and for loving us. Your words of encouragement and your prayers offered cause us to thank our Heavenly Father everyday for the blessing you've all been in our lives.

Until next time, love to all!