There Is Always Hope

Two months have passed since I last posted, and I'm happy to say that we don't have any big news, and we are of the opinion that no news is good news! Since I'm sitting in the hospital with Nate, I thought I'd take a moment to update the blog since I don't seem to be able to find the time when I'm at home.

Nate had his baseline CT scan in February and it looked "really good" according to our two amazing doctors. It was noted that one of his kidneys was inflamed so off to the urologist we went. We think that during the HIPEC surgery, his ureter was a bit damaged from all the work they did around it, and that it is causing excess pressure on his kidney. They couldn't see much on the scan so the plan was to take a closer look during the next surgery and to place a stent to dilate the ureter to see if that would resolve the inflammation in the kidney. If left untreated it could cause permanent kidney damage...no thank you!

Since it took so long to figure out what was going on with his kidney, the surgery Nate was supposed to have in the middle of February was put off, and put off four times. When they finally settled on a date that worked for both the urologist and the general surgeon, it fell just two weeks before our much anticipated "make-up cruise" that we missed out on back in February of 2012. As you may recall, we were scheduled to leave on a cruise with Nate's parents on February 3, 2012 which was just one day after Nate's initial crisis and diagnosis. As we've talked about re-booking the cruise , we decided to seize the day and take our kids as well. More on that later...but to make a long story short, Nate decided to hold off on the surgery until we returned and it was scheduled for April 15, which was yesterday.

We arrived at IMC Hospital bright and early at 6 a,m. Nate was prepped and ready to go at 7:45. The plan was to place the ureter stent, remove Nate's chemo port, repair a hernia, and reverse (or take down) the ileostomy that was created during the last surgery to allow the colon to rest and heal after much of it was removed, Nate was in good spirits and was ready to get moving!

Much better than 17 plus!

November 2014 wait time

The wait wasn't too bad this time around, and I even think that he broke a speed record!

It was a relief to talk to the urologist first, who said that everything looked good and that he placed the stent without problems. They couldn't see an obvious blockage, but there was some narrowing in the opening of the bladder. Hopefully this will help relieve pressure on Nate's kidney and we won't have to worry about it anymore. We will look at it in the next CT scan to see if the problem is resolved. The stent will be removed in about six weeks.

After another two hours, the general surgeon came out and said that everything went really well. They were able to remove the chemo port easily. They didn't see another hernia, and they think that the ileostomy opening was just stretched out big enough to let some bowel loops pop out, which is a good thing since closing one hole is easier that closing two holes! They were able to repair the intestine and push it back into the abdominal cavity through the ostomy opening which means they didn't have to make a mid-line incision! More good news! Of what they could see of the abdominal cavity, which wasn't very much, everything looked healthy and they didn't see any tumor...always good news! They were able to close the incision with staples and a small drain that should come out in a week or two. We're very thankful for the outcome of the surgery and hope that the recovery goes as well. It's always hard to be patient on the recovery side of things, and poor Nate has had to endure a lot of recoveries! I know he'll do his best to be compliant to his lifting and activity restrictions, but if anyone sees him over doing it you have my permission to put him in a chair and give him a good talking to! He is anxious to get back to "normal" life and run around with our kids. 

We had some interesting weather this week in Salt Lake City, and the timing couldn't have been more strange. Last time (January of 2013) when Nate had his first ileostomy reversed, we had a huge snow storm and the kids got their one and only snow day thus far in their lives. It wasn't all that out of the ordinary since it was January. Well, this is the middle of April, and we had a winter storm warning on Tuesday and it proceeded to snow all night and literally all day here. 

January 2013

April 16, 2015

Pretty crazy! The snow should be gone by this afternoon and we'll be ready to play some baseball!

As I mentioned earlier, we had the opportunity to take the kids on a cruise! We went to the Eastern Caribbean with Nate's parents and we had a blast! It's always nice to leave real life behind and step into LaLa Land for some time. We boarded the ship on Nate's 45th birthday which was absolutely perfect! We love to celebrate Nate and this was a great opportunity to do so. We had an amazing tropical adventure where we got to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa. We snorkeled, hung out on the beach, explored, shopped, and ate and ate and ate! 

Birthday Boy and King of the Castle
El Morro, San Juan Puerto Rico

Feeding the pigeons in San Juan

They loved Seth!

San Juan is good for teenagers

St. Kitt's

Ice skating on the cruise ship!

Lounging around at the pool with Grandma and Grandpa

Crazy cab rides (this was not even the craziest...in St Kitt's we had 17 people in an ancient 14 passenger van with vinyl seats and broken seat backs. I had a French woman laying on my lap for half an hour!)

We had a wonderful trip and hope to create many more memories like these with our family. We've been blessed in our trials, and are so grateful for the thoughts and prayers you've all sent our way! Thank you for loving us and keeping in touch. We draw so much strength from all of you!

Love to all!

Groundhog Day

I woke up this morning with a lump in my throat and a flutter in my heart. Today is February 2nd, 2015 and it marks some pretty significant events in my life. First, it's Groundhog Day so that's a big deal! Second, I had my first date with the man of my dreams on this day 19 years ago. Third, 3 years ago today our life changed in pretty dramatic fashion when Nathan was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer.

Anyone who knows me very well knows that I'm guilty of being very sentimental. There are certain dates that hover in the back of my mind each year and I can't help but acknowledge them in some way. When I reminded Nate about where we were on this day 3 years ago, he said "Oh great. Thanks for the reminder!". I'll admit that I have mixed feelings about these "anniversaries" because there are so many ways to look at them. On one hand, it was one of the worst days of our lives to that point. On the other hand, look how much Nate has accomplished! Look how far he's come, how hard he's fought, and how much he's endured.

Nate's Facebook post this morning:

Natalie reminded me this morning that it was 3 years ago today that I rushed myself to the hospital because I was, in effect, dying of Stage 4 appendix Cancer.
It has been a long, hard journey, but certainly worth the pain and tears. Worth being able to be there for Pinewood derbies, bowling with my girls, camping with the family, sushi with my sushi buddies. Golf and fishing with my friends. Date nights doing nothing with my best friend. It all, and especially all the little things, makes it very much worth it.
I feel bad for the pain and suffering that it has caused my family. Poor Sydney has had to deal with with half her conscious life. However, the strength and fortitude they posses is a reflection of their mother. She has been a rock through it all. I know it is hard on her. But I couldn't have done it, literally, without you by my side and really, plowing the path in front of me.

So in light of this, i say happy anniversary to me. To everyone else, I say thanks AGAIN! Thanks for the the prayers said and unsaid, the thoughts, the thoughtless service, the dinners, the cookies, the help with the kids schedules, rides, lawn care.

Hopefully, here is to the next 3 years with me paying it forward.

— with Seth Hardy and 5 others.

When I read this post, I shed tears of gratitude and love for all that Nate is in my life, and the lives of our children. Watching him suffer has been difficult. Watching him fight and press forward has been inspiring. Watching his perspective on life change has been endearing, but watching him implement that change has been amazing. He's my best friend, and I'm so lucky to have been able to coax him into our first date 19 years ago! 

I'm sure there are many of you who would like an update on Nate after all of this time! I apologize for the lack of information since we returned home from Mass. The day after we returned was Thanksgiving, and I hit the ground running at a full sprint. There was so much to get ready for the holidays, and Nate was in no condition to help with all the "heavy lifting", so this blog was sent to the back burner for a bit. I figured that today was a great day to let you all know how my Super Hero is doing. (This is for you, Kelly and Allison-you called it for sure!)

Nate and I were able to travel home without any problems, and well ahead of the storms that were coming. We were whisked through security in a wheelchair and got seats next to each other for the first leg of our flight. We had a short layover in Atlanta before we started the final leg home. Another little miracle came when we got seated on the overbooked full flight and the seat right next to me never filled so Nate got to come sit by me from 4 rows back. It was the only empty seat on the plane...not a coincidence. 

2014

2012...still marveling at the difference!

We arrived home on time, after an uneventful flight- thank goodness! It was magic to see my kids and my parents at the bottom of the escalator. I'm lucky to have had this homecoming experience again. Sam and Sydney were so excited to see us that they ducked under the ropes and ran to meet us. Seth and Emma quickly followed, and the tears started to flow. 

Thanks for everything Mom and Dad!

So good to see these two guys together

Is it possible that Seth grew while we were gone?

We arrived home to some great surprises! My mom and dad were very busy while we were gone, but not just with the kids. They could see that there were a few neglected projects around the house and took it upon themselves to get them taken care of for us! They fixed my shower handle, my dad and brother in law leveled out my double oven that had settled on an angle. My mom sewed new pillow covers for my couch pillows that had seen better days. They repaired little holes in the walls on the basement stairs and even painted and touched up the walls. They replaced broken shelves in my fridge, and above all, took excellent care of our kids! The other surprise was that my family and Nate's parents paid a guy to put up Christmas lights! It looked amazing, and he also came and took them down! No Christmas lights in July for us this year!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with Nate's family and my parents up at the farm. Nate took it easy over the next few days and weeks. He kept busy with wound care, meds, and doing anything he could to help me get ready for Christmas. He wrapped his fair share of presents, and even took Emma on a little shopping trip to the mall. Imagine having no core strength and trying to sit up all day...not easy! 

We had a Christmas miracle with a snowstorm on Christmas Eve! We woke up to a beautiful white Christmas. The kids were amazed! We were all amazed!

Christmas morning

December was busy with all kinds of fun. Nate returned to work the week before Christmas and was able to stay there for about 3-5 hours a day. His boss was so kind, and even tried to kick him out a few times! Nate didn't push it as hard as he did after previous surgeries, and I think it helped his recovery.

Emma and Sydney performed together in the
Nutcracker in the soldiers and mice scene

Daddy brought them roses!

Our visit with Santa...those are some hopeful smiles!

We took the kids downtown on the
Front Runner to see the lights
on Temple Square

Big brothers are awesome for tiny, tired legs!

Waiting for the train...

We spent Christmas Eve at Nate's parents' home and had a great day! We played games, ate a ton, opened gifts and loved every second of being together!    

Nate and his brothers were good sports as the kids
turned them into Christmas Trees! Nate is on the right.

The Culprits

Christmas Eve with Grandma and Grandpa...
nothing better than that!

New Christmas PJ's

Such a good sport!

White Elephant "Adult" Gift Exchange...who knew?

We felt so blessed to spend Christmas with our kids. Nate was blessed to feel well all day long, and had the energy to sit and play with the kids. This is something I'll never take for granted.

Sam's gift to us. Love it!

Christmas morning was wonderful! We took
this picture to send to Dr. Lambert as we
wished her a Merry Christmas!

After Christmas we spent some time up at Snow Basin. We bought season passes last April but Nate isn't able to ski this year so his pass will be good for next year. Since it's not easy to get 4 kids up to the resort and ready to ski, Nate's been the "lodge mom" and he helps with boots and gear and a few tears here and there. He's been able to get lots of reading in, and his hot chocolate and warm hugs are just what the kids need! He never complains that he can't ski. He's just genuinely happy to be there to share it with us.

Sam and Syd like to fool around at the top
before they shred down the mountain.

Me and my goons!

Happy 15th Birthday Seth! Seth was excited for his birthday this year, and since he never has school on this day (MLK Day weekend) we get to do some pretty fun stuff! We took his friends, who also have season passes, skiing/boarding for Seth's big day. They had a great time skiing shirtless down the hill. Hmm...is this what teenagers do? Grateful for good buddies.       

The party continued with dinner and more crazy fun!

So fun to be on the mountain together!

And last but not least....Sam completed all requirements for his Bear in Cub Scouts! He was awarded his Bear, and WON the Pinewood Derby! Way to go Sam! And Dad!

Nate's recovery has been slow but steady. The surgical drain he came home with continued to drain and drain. We met with a surgeon here in SLC who agreed to follow Nate but the drain wasn't ready to come out. Some days it was minimal, and some days it was full. The week after Christmas, it really slowed down, but the doctor was out of town so Dr. Lambert thought it would be ok for me to remove it. I was kind of excited! Nate was really excited! I think he would've let Seth pull it out at that point, he was so sick of it! Dr. Lambert gave me instructions, and I took it out the Saturday after Christmas. Nate was glad to be rid on one device! His open wound continued to heal nicely, and he got to stop packing it the following week. Pain control was always an issue, and since Nate couldn't have the more effective medication, he seemed to always have pain. As he's healed, the pain has decreased, and he stopped taking pain meds a few weeks ago. He's healed very well, and his spirits have been high and hopeful. His scar is healing well, and looks ten times better than before! 

The last two weeks we've really noticed Nate's color and energy coming back. He's working almost full time, and isn't having to take naps during the day or when he gets home from work. It's wonderful to see some normal creeping into our days! Knock, knock, knock on wood. 

The plan is for Nate to have CT scans every 3 months. His first "baseline scan" is next week, followed by an appointment with our oncologist and another with our surgeon. We will be making plans from scan to scan, and continue to hope and pray that this cancer is gone. 

Thanks again for all the love and support you've given. We loved receiving Christmas Cards, and I wish I had the energy to send ours out this year. Keep praying for Nate! Love to all!