The Big Day?

Today was the big day! Well, actually tomorrow might be the big day...one never knows in the world of cancer. Nate had his MRI scan this morning, and after 5 1/2 hours at the hospital, he was still smiling. The order for the scan was wrong and they decided that they wanted a contrast study, so Nate got to spend an hour drinking Barium Sulfate. The scan only took about 45 minutes, but I guess they say that "Good things come to those who wait", right?
Nate starts his fifth round of chemo tomorrow, and will see our Oncologist about midway through the infusion. We're hoping that the radiologist has had time to compare the two scans and give us some good news! We continue to pray and hope for excellent results. A sincere thank you to all of you who have prayed, fasted, and sent good thoughts our way! We appreciate every bit of it!

Twilight Zone

Time is a funny thing. I feel like we're in the Twilight Zone sometimes!  I see life happening all around me but I'm not sure I'm involved in it. I always hated when people used the word 'surreal' because it seems like one of those cliches used in reality T.V. all the time. I'm never sure if the person using it really knows what it means, or if they just think it makes them sound intelligent. So here it goes...Life is so surreal!!! Sorry, I had to say it! What else can I call it? If anyone has a better term, please let me know! I still don't like the word!

Seriously, how have 3 months come and gone already? How have I aged 5 years in only 3 months? How does the last 3 months seem like they've taken a  year to pass? Maybe we are in the Twilight Zone...could somebody please yell, "Cut"!? I'm ready to be done now.

Nate is scheduled for his second MRI this Monday morning. We'll use it to compare to the MRI he had when he began his chemo. We're praying for a miracle. We've been praying that the chemo is successfully killing the cancer cells and that the tumors are shrinking. As Sam and Sydney say, "Please bless that Dad does good in his chemo". We're having a special fast this Saturday and Sunday that the scan will show that the tumors are shrinking, thereby increasing the chances for a successful surgery. Anyone who feels inclined to join our family in this petition is more than welcome! The faith of our family and friends strengthens us more than anything. Thank you to anyone who is willing to join us!

Nate continues to power through all of this. I still marvel at his strength and his ability to continue on with everyday life. He's an amazing example to me. He manages his work, his church calling, and his family time so well. I don't know how he does it, and he won't tell me either...he's such a stinker that way!!!

I know that I haven't mentioned our children very much in this blog. Many of you ask about them, and I think many more of you wonder about them. They seem to be doing OK. Of course we worry about them and their willingness to talk about all of this with us, but we try to keep most of the information out in the open. They wear their 'Live Strong' bracelets everyday and they continue to pray for Nate in all of their prayers. Since Nate looks so healthy, we actually have to remind them sometimes that he's still sick with cancer. It's weird. Sometimes I'm tempted not to say anything. Oblivion is bliss, right? But, we realize we need their faith and prayers too. They are good kids and we love them so much. It's just not fair that they have to deal with this. That's my "Boo Hoo" for this post.

As I write this, Nate is on an 11 year old scout camp out. You'd think it was the first time he's ever been away for the night if you saw me right now...why was I born with this overwhelming need to worry and fret? I hope he's having a blast doing what he loves to do! It is only 43 degrees outside and the wind is whistling...stay warm Nate!

Thanks again for all the continued prayers! I'll update again when we get some results. Hopefully we'll be able to make some plans for travel and the big surgery. Keep your fingers crossed! Love to all.

The Next "Just Wait and See"

Nate and I are here at the chemo clinic for his fourth round. We saw our Oncologist this morning and talked about our timeline for the surgery and more scans. Our Oncologist is so great. He spends a ton of time with us, is so patient, and answers our questions so thoroughly that I can usually cross off other questions on my list! We're so grateful for good people!

We decided to do another MRI on Monday, April 30. So, we're back to our "Just wait and see". We'll use this to compare to the MRI he had in Omaha to see if the chemo is working to shrink and kill those stinking tumors. We are hopeful! Depending on what they see, we may be able to get the surgery scheduled soon after that. He's scheduled to have his 5th round of chemo on May 1st so the soonest the surgery could be is about the second week of June. He'll need to have a month off of chemo for his blood counts to recover to hopefully decrease complications in surgery and healing time.

It's amazing what can be done with modern medicine! I'm very aware of the fact that 10-15 years ago, Nate wouldn't have been offered any treatment. What a crazy and depressing thought. We are so grateful!

Just received Nate's blood work (labs) back, and he's doing great! His blood counts are all still in normal range. That's huge because as long as his counts are normal, he can continue with his treatment on schedule. I'm praying that he'll continue to tolerate the chemo as well as he has!

As soon as we're done here today, Nate is going back to work. He has Board Meetings again and has presentations to give this afternoon and tomorrow. I'm constantly amazed at his strength. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He's a wonderful example to me and our kids.

We're also so thankful for our family. My mom is here helping with the kids and the house this week! It's so nice to have her here. I wish I could just transplant our family to Farmington. They all still do an amazing job of supporting us from afar, but I can't imagine anything better than to have Nate's family and my family here in Farmington. Yes, that is a hint! :)  

As always, thanks and love to all! We are so blessed to have so many good people in our lives. Praying for a healthy Nate!!!

Just Cruising Along...

It's been quite a while since my last update, and I apologize. I know there are so many people out there who are concerned for Nathan, and the progress he's making and I feel bad for not sharing his status sooner. I've been in a little funk and haven't wanted to spread any bad ju ju! Only positive thoughts, right?!

I can't believe that Nate will start his fourth round of chemo on Tuesday. The time between rounds goes way too quickly. His third round was over Spring Break, and thankfully, Nate did awesome! I really don't know how he does it. He did so well this last round that I got a little nervous, and irrational, thinking that maybe they weren't giving the right amount of chemo. I know, I'm crazy! The "pre chemo" drugs they've been giving really seem to work for Nate. He hasn't been very nauseous, and hasn't lost anymore weight. He does experience pretty severe cold sensitivity when he drinks anything cold, or when he's exposed to cold weather. That side effect has gotten worse with each round. His sleep is also a little messed up. I've decided that I should come up with a chore list and a shopping list for him when he wakes up at 3:00 a.m. and can't sleep. So, if you see Nate out mowing the lawn in the middle of the night, just know that he hasn't gone crazy!

The day Nate was disconnected from his last round, we packed up our trailer and went camping! We headed to Idaho, to City of Rocks. We met my sister and her family there. Despite the cold weather, our kids loved it! We're thankful for the opportunity we have to create family memories. There's just something about being out in nature as a family that changes attitudes and even the way we treat each other. I loved watching Nate doing something that he LOVES. He's always loved nature and being outdoors, and I fall in love with him all over again as I watch him share this love with our kids. He's had an amazing attitude through all of this, but I still couldn't believe how well he did on our camping trip after just finishing his chemo. He's amazing!

Nate's employer continues to show such patience and understanding. They've been very flexible and so loyal. We're blessed to have amazing people behind us!

Unfortunately, we still don't have any plans for his upcoming surgery. We're back to the waiting game. We may know more after we meet with Nate's Oncologist on Tuesday about when they plan to do more scans. I'll definitely let everyone know what we find out.

As always, I want to tell everyone how grateful we are to all of you who think about us and pray for us. It's the best service anyone can do for us right now! I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of us, and I know that we've been blessed by all the prayers given on our behalf. Just this last week I was in a pretty bad funk, feeling alone and not wanting to deal with life, and I received two calls from sweet friends who just wanted to let me know they were thinking of me and my family. I'm betting that they probably don't know how much those calls meant to me, but I took them as a little hug from Heaven.

Please continue to pray for a full recovery for Nathan. It's a difficult thing for me to ask, but I KNOW it will make a difference!

Love to all!

A Quick Update

I hesitate to say it out loud, because I'm so superstitious (knock on wood :)), but Nate did so well during this last round of chemo!!! We added so many new meds that we aren't exactly sure which one (maybe all) made the difference, but whatever it was, we are grateful! One thing I do know for sure is that our prayers are being answered!

Nate was able to work 4 out of 5 days this week. That's the best week he's had since February 2nd when this all began. His employer has been so patient and kind during all of this. Another blessing!

Last night our dear friends took us to the Jazz game for our birthdays, and Nate actually felt well enough to go! We had dinner, dessert, and popcorn and he did great. It felt almost normal! I think Nate might need a break from me when this is all over because the mother, wife, caregiver, nurse, hypochondriac, worrier in me finds it so hard to believe that he feels as well as he claims. I'm constantly hounding him..."Any nausea? How's your pain? Really, are you sure? Don't overdue it! Do you need a nap? Just take one pill, just in case."....and these are just a few of my favorites. He has an amazing attitude, and I'm so thankful!!!

So many good people have called, texted, Facebooked, and visited with us to check on Nate and our family. We consider ourselves very blessed to be surrounded by so many good people. Yesterday, a sweet friend dropped by with a beautiful bouquet of yellow tulips and an equally beautiful quote, "The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring". LOVE it! There are angels all around. Thanks to all!

So far, so good...knock on wood!

It's 11:00 Wednesday night and Nate has 12 hours to go with his chemo. As I mentioned before, we added a few more meds to the regimen, and I hope they're working! He's definitely doing better than he was at this point during the first round so I'm keeping my fingers crossed, knocking on wood, and spending a little more time on my knees.

Nate is such a great patient, and I couldn't feel more blessed to have him for my best friend. He's sitting here doing our taxes....what??!!! He usually likes to have taxes done in February, but that's life, right?

Tomorrow he'll go in to get disconnected from his pump, and he'll get a liter of saline spiked with Zofran. Hopefully it'll sustain him over the next 2 or 3 hard days.

As always, thanks for the prayers!

Chemo...Round Two

It's funny how this past month and a half seems like a year and a half, but it seems like just yesterday that we were sitting here in the infusion lab doing Nate's first round of chemo. I guess time flies when you're having a good time, right?!

We had the opportunity to visit with Nate's Oncologist for about 25 minutes before chemo, and he is a great person. He's very willing to work with us and whichever surgeon we choose. He admits his shortcomings and limitations, which we've found is kind of rare when it comes to some doctors. He's always willing to take suggestions and recommendations. He's willing to listen to us, explain things to us, and offer straight forward advice and treatment. We know we were led to him. One of the lessons we've learned from this is that there is no such thing as coincidence. The way we were led to him, and the way we were able to get an appointment with him was a direct answer to prayer.

The Infusion Room is completely full today. There are about 20 patients in here. You might think that this would be a sad place to be, but it's a place full of people who are full of hope! I love to see all of the family and friends who come and offer love and support. There are patients who have 5 or 6 people sitting with them! I love it! I'm grateful that Nate allows me to join him here. I know I'm a bit of a distraction from his work, but I think it's therapeutic for me to be here with him. Plus, I don't need any nurses flirting with him.

We've taken more steps to hopefully lessen the chemo side effects. His doctor gave us some more drugs to put in the arsenal. Nate isn't thrilled about adding more meds to his pill box. He's starting to feel a little feeble. Before all of this started, I could barely even get him to take an Ibuprofen let alone a multivitamin that he'd have to take everyday. He's done a great job with this whole transition. He's a really good "patient". He rarely, if ever, complains. He's full of courage and strength and hope. He's a wonderful example to me and to our children.

Nate's done an amazing job of keeping his life relatively normal. He's been going to work as often as he can. He doesn't always feel well, and still deals with pain, but he always manages to put on a smile. I admire him more and more every day.

Last week I found myself a little overwhelmed and feeling a little weary of this whole thing. I was in a funk. I was talking with a friend and she said something to me that really brought my perspective back where it needs to be. She has an amazing amount of faith, and has had her share of hard trials. We were talking about life, and she said, "You have to hope for the very best, you just have to!". I know that sounds easy, and I know it sounds like common sense, but I'm here to tell you that it has, at times, felt like an impossible thing for me to do. Hope can be scary.

I went home and thought about what she said, and realized that I was wasting my time being scared of what 'might' happen. When Nate was in the hospital, our good Bishop brought us a quote and hung it on the wall. It's from Henry B. Eyring:

"Faith is not to hope. Faith is not simply to know God could do something. Faith is to know He will. And I testify to you that our Heavenly Father is prepared to bless."

I think I'm finally starting to get it. There is no other choice but to hope for the very best. My friend was right..."you just have to". As soon as I gave myself to that, with faith, I've felt a new sense of peace in my life. It's good to be humbled from time to time and I'm grateful for the calm moments in my days. I know we have angels all around us, and I know that Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. We have to learn to find joy wherever we find ourselves.

We appreciate everyone who's following Nate's adventure, and still marvel that we have so much genuine support. We're grateful for all of the prayers that are offered on our behalf. Please pray for Nate as he endures this second round of chemo. Go Nate!!! We love you!!!

Omaha

Have you ever been to Omaha, Nebraska? We have. Nate and I flew out there on Sunday afternoon for a consultation Monday morning with a surgeon who specializes in Appendiceal Cancer and the HIPEC Procedure.

We started bright and early and left the hotel at 6 a.m. for a 6:30 check-in at the hospital for an MRI. Note to self: Don't fly into the Central Time Zone on Daylight Savings Sunday for an anxiety ridden appointment with a surgeon who only speaks "surgeon" language. It's funny how long a day can seem!

We met with the surgeon for about an hour and a half. He's a very focused guy who does the HIPEC Procedure exclusively. He has patients from all over the United States, as evidenced by his giant map with little black pins representing his clientele. We even got to add our own little pin which we proudly stuck right in the middle of Farmington! We liked him, and we liked his Nurse Practioner who functioned as a much appreciated interpreter. We received some good information and felt the trip was valuable. We'll continue to pray and ponder about the direction we need to go.

We flew home a couple of hours after the appointment. It was a very quick trip but I'm amazed at how 24 hours seemed like a week! So glad to be home!

Nate went to work this morning and put in a full day. It's good to see him feeling well. When Sydney woke up this morning, at 10 (lucky!), she thought Dad was up in bed. When I told her that he had gone to work before she woke up she said, "Yeah! That means Daddy feels good!". I love how she can find the joy!

Well, Round One didn't end as well as it began...but we learned some good lessons about how to avoid the nausea and vomiting that we'll apply for Round Two. I also know for sure that our Doctor has never experienced this chemo!!! However, we do appreciate his encouraging and positive attitude. :) All that really matters is that Nate's feeling much better today.

Tomorrow we're heading to Omaha, Nebraska for a consultation with a surgeon at Creighton University Medical Center. We'll start the day with an MRI followed by an hour and a half appointment with the doctor and his nurse practitioner. We've prepared a lot of questions, and are hoping and praying for some very clear answers. Choosing a surgeon isn't something we're taking lightly. The tough thing about it is that we just don't know how to choose a surgeon!!! Anyone with some spare time and spare faith, could you please say a little prayer for us that we can make this important decision? It makes my head spin thinking about it!

Thanks again Everyone! We love our family and friends, and still can't believe all the love we feel from you all everyday. Thanks for your continued prayers on Nathan's behalf. Hope to have another update soon. Love to all...

Just wanted to let everyone know that Nate is doing pretty well. He's halfway through his first round, and he seems to be doing ok. He's still smiling!