Chemo #6/Chemo #12/Chemo #17

Is it Groundhog Day? I swear we've been here before!?

Today marks the beginning of Nate's 6th round of Folfiri Chemo. Today also marks the 115th day of this treatment, the beginning of the 12th round (if you add the two Folfiri cycles together), and the beginning of Nate's 17th overall round of chemo. Most importantly, today marks the beginning of Nate's LAST round of chemo!

I haven't posted since Nate's fourth round, about a month ago. I honestly don't know where the time goes. One minute it seems like we're moving along at slow motion, and the next thing I know, a month has passed me by! Here's the update:

While Nate was being infused in the clinic during his fourth round, I sat next to him in "stall out" mode for almost four hours before I finally went to the front office to schedule his prescribed scans. "If I don't schedule the scans, and he doesn't have the scans, there won't be anything to see on the scans, and we won't get any bad news about the scans, right?! Right?!" Honestly, I'm not that unrealistic, I swear! However, it has been rather entertaining to see, in hind sight, the nasty toll that anxiety can have on a girl. I scheduled the scans (Abdominal CT and full body PET) for May 6th. Nate was fine with it (of course he was!), and reminded me that just because we didn't know there was something there (more tumors, etc.), didn't mean it wasn't there. I spent the next week trying not to think about it, and Nate spent the week trying not to think about the 2 1/2 liters of barium sulfate contrast he would have to drink.

Nate survived the scans and even finished in record time! Now it was time to wait for the results until the following Monday. I over nighted the scans to Dr. Lambert, in Massachusetts, with a note that asked her to talk to our doctor here by Monday so we could get both of their opinions at the same time. If you recall, the last scan results we received were viewed completely differently by our two doctors and we spent a week in a horrible limbo as we waited for Dr. Lambert to compare them to prior scans to determine if things were growing or shrinking. It was a mess.

We had a good time distracting ourselves that week. We started our yard work, dealt with our crazy fighting hamsters (which we eventually had to separate, really?!), and to top it off, we got chickens!

Emma and Patty (and new bangs)

Sam and Roxy

Sydney and Stella

Nate and Zoe

Ever seen painted chicken toenails?

 We started with six. Everybody got to choose and name their own. We have, in order from Nate's hen down, Ruby, Stella, Joekeim, Patty (like a chicken patty, nice), Jack, and Zoe. They were all so cute, and I couldn't help myself, so I went back the next week and got one more chick named Roxy. You know, just in case one of the hens turns out to be a rooster. We've spent the last 4 weeks obsessing over chicken coop plans and finally started construction last week! It's good to have a project, and I love to watch Nate build things...he's got quite a talent!

As with every April and May, life gets crazy! Sydney turned six, both of the boys are in the full swing of baseball season, Seth ran track, Sydney started her soccer season, and both Sydney and Emma finished up their year of dance with the Spring recital. Sam is now a Cub Scout. Seth has earned his Life Rank in Scouts, and we're getting him ready for the National Jamboree in July. End of level testing, field trips galore, new bangs for Emma (you ladies know what I'm talking about), piano recital, swim and tennis lesson registration, and Spring Fever abounds! We pulled our trailer out of storage and went on our first camp out over Memorial Day weekend up in Idaho with my family. We had a great time fishing and canoeing, swimming, and just being together. It felt so normal! It was great.

 

 

Sydney and Daddy cuddling at Seth's track meet, before Sydney's soccer game...phew!

Sam earned his Bobcat! 

Sydney is six!

Happy Teenage Cousins

Hanging out in the trailer

Sydney and Emma's Spring Recital

Do they look a little guilty to you?

Forgive me, I digress...we had a lovely Mother's Day weekend, and managed to make it to Monday morning. Our appointment was early, and we were both pretty anxious. We really haven't ever received good news from a scan so we were bracing ourselves. I can never read our doctor's face when he comes into the room. He always looks like he's prepared himself for the worst when he walks through the door. This time was no exception as he looked at Nate, shook our hands, and seemed to have a rush of relief when he saw how good Nate seemed to be. He asked the usual; how are you guys?, anything new?, how did the last round go? He finally sat down and looked right at us and said, "So the scans looked good. Really, really good". What?! Nate and I both broke into tears (I was so happy I had the ugly face cry). As we composed ourselves, he told us that he'd spoken with Dr. Lambert and that she agreed with the assessment. He read us part of her email that said something like, "We can count this a victory in this battle".

There were a few lymph nodes that showed up on the PET scan that will need to be watched. Nate has had lots and lots of lymph nodes removed and biopsied in every surgery, and all have had no sign of cancer. Both doctors also agree that it is very atypical for this cancer to spread through the nodes, so we are hopeful that there's nothing going on. The main areas we want to watch are those where he's had tumor removed, and they all looked good on these scans. We will take it!

I'll admit that the relief wasn't as complete as I would like, but I think it just comes with the territory. Probably some defense mechanism we use so if we ever have to hear bad news, we won't be so utterly crushed. We both had a little adrenaline rush, and I spent the next hour talking Nate's ear off about all the plans I wanted to make. That's another nasty toll that anxiety has taken on us. It's hard to plan things when you're so uncertain of what the future holds. I know that none of us knows what the future holds, but when you're standing on the tracks, staring at an oncoming train, knowing it could either take the switch or run you down, it just seems a little more in your face. Ya know what I mean? That's a metaphor Nate got in trouble for using about a year ago...see how much I've grown?!

When we told the kids about the scan results later that day, our cute Seth said, "Baller!", a new endearing term he uses. Sydney just gave a big long hug. Sam got a big smile and said, "Awesome! Does that mean he's done?". And Emma just smiled and smiled before she skipped upstairs. It's a blessing to watch some of the burden lifted from these sweet little children. I've always known that life was never meant to be fair, but I think every parent wishes it was! It's hard to watch our kids try to deal with something that most adults don't even know how to handle. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches us where we can place our faith, and where we can land when it gets too difficult. I'm so thankful for the soft places we've found on this journey.

I can't remember the last time that I slept as well as I did that night. Funny thing was that I was completely exhausted the rest of the week! Nate was on chemo so he was exhausted anyways, but he had the same kind of reaction as I did. Maybe all that adrenaline and stress that we've learned to carry and incorporate into everything we do finally started releasing its grip? It's amazing how our bodies find a way to get us through.

The plan is for Nate to finish up chemo with his 6th round (today through Thursday), then he'll meet with his doctor in late July when his port will need to be flushed, and at that point we'll schedule more scans for August or September. We are actually on the "surveillance plan"!

Nate humored me as I snapped pictures of him leaving the chemo clinic, hopefully for the last time!

Until then, we will try our hardest to make up for last summer and enjoy the time with our kids. We pray for continued strength, good health, guidance, and patience. I can't wait to see Nate feel well again! It's been so long that I'm not sure he even remembers what it's like, but I hope he's pleasantly surprised when it finally comes. He's an amazing man and I'm so proud of the way he's endured and pushed through this trial. I'm so grateful for the example he sets for me and our kids. His positive attitude has carried our family through some pretty hopeless moments and I'll be forever grateful for him and for the strength and resilience he's been blessed with.

Once again, thank you all for raising us up this last year and a half. The gratitude we have is impossible to express through words alone. I've gotten so far behind on thank you notes and such, but I pray that you believe me when I say that we could not have survived this long without all of our sweet family and friends who've helped us so much. I'm amazed at my husband, as I know many of you are as well. I've found a new appreciation for him as I've realized how many of you love him and care for his well being. It makes me love him more! It's humbling to know that so many people think so highly of him, and that so many have stood by his side when things got really tough. I've always known what a good man my husband is, and now I know that others see his goodness too.We realize that you've all had the choice of whether or not to invest your time and emotion in our family's trial. We thank you all for walking with us, for crying with us, for praying with us, and for loving us. Your words of encouragement and your prayers offered cause us to thank our Heavenly Father everyday for the blessing you've all been in our lives.

Until next time, love to all!

Would You Rather...

I haven't posted for quite some time!  We've had a pretty eventful month, mostly in La La Land, and I didn't realize it had been so long. Nate did well with his second round and we fell in love all over again with the miracle drug Emend. We're so grateful for anything that helps Nate live life! The second round was March 18 and Nate got to take a little break until April 15 so we could take a family vacation over spring break. Round three went so well that he made some comment on FB that  maybe he's become immune to the poison. Glad he did so well, but I have this silly notion that if he's not feeling sick, the chemo isn't doing it's job. I know, I know....Just one more indication that I could probably use some counseling at this point! Haha.

Today Nate starts his fourth round and if he stays on track he will be done with this chemo the last week of May. He's scheduled for a PET scan and contrast MRI next Monday and we'll get results the following Monday. This will be the new baseline. Hey!? I've heard that before! Nothing like a week to wait, and think, and think some more! Praying for strength and comfort, and of course good news!

In November of 2011, just before this all began, we took our kids to Oahu for a surprise vacation. We loved it so much that while we were still there, we purchased another week on the Big Island which had to be used within 18 months. We figured we could accrue enough sky miles to get all six of us there in that amount of time and planned to take the trip over spring break of 2013 (the 18th month). But then February came and reality slapped us in the face and we weren't sure if we'd get to take our trip. Glad we didn't tell the kids! We finally decided, with much coaxing from my level headed husband, that we would book the trip. We are so glad we did! We had a fantastic time spending time together as a family. When we told Nate's doctor about the trip he insisted that Nate take time off chemo so he could enjoy Hawaii. By the time we left, Nate had been off chemo for 2 weeks and was feeling pretty well! My favorite thing about the trip was watching our kids enjoy their dad, and watching their dad feeling well enough to enjoy them...it almost felt like "normal"! In fact, I went for hours without thinking about the 'C' word. I think that's a record for me!

Our favorite beach. We had so much fun boogie boarding!

High tide was amazing! A little too much surf for these land locked tourists! Of course Seth got right in the middle of it!

On top of the world at Mauna Kea

Snow in Hawaii? We went from rain forest to snow to beach all in one day!

Nate and Sydney having a little Daddy Daughter time during our souvenir shopping in Kona

We loved the Big Island and briefly considered permanent residence there, but decided we'd miss the cold, dry Utah winters. We actually schemed about how we could convince our family and friends to relocate with us, but finally figured that would be a no go. We visited Volcano National Park, Mauna Kea where the famous observatories are (snow and all), every side of the island, and of course the beautiful beaches! There's something about a vacation that brings out the best in our kids. I love watching them love each other. I think they needed a break from life as much as Nate and I. We're so grateful we had this opportunity!

A little male bonding time!

Seth making a putt for par!

We loved the pool! We spent the day here when Nate and Seth went golfing!

Walking on the beach the first day I looked down just in time to see this heart shaped coral wash up on the sand. It was a great sign!

Just a week after we got home, Nate had a business round table in beautiful South Carolina. I was able to tag along so we decided to stay for the weekend. Neither of us had ever been there so it was a treat to see that part of the country! There was a PGA tour event that we were able to attend and I played my first 18 hole round of golf! We had a great time riding bikes on the beach, eating good food (like grits and bananas foster, yum), and spending time together!

Nate at the PGA Tour event at Hilton Head, S.C.

I'm not sure if all that time spent in La La Land was the smartest thing we could've done, but it sure was dreamy! The re-entry wasn't too bad, but we hit the ground running! Soccer, baseball, and track meets started right when we got back and we didn't have a whole lot of time to think about reality. I'll count that as a blessing!

On our way to Nate's third round of chemo, I realized I'd started a pity party...I'm such the party planner! I was feeling sorry for myself and for Nate and our kids, and I started wishing our plight away. When this happens, I try to remind myself that everyone has trials. I began searching for others on the freeway to see if I could see any obvious heartache. As I did this I began to play the "Would You Rather" game with Nate who, bless his heart, wasn't having any of it. I'd ask him things like, "Would you rather be homeless and holding a cardboard sign under the overpass, or have cancer?" "Cancer". "Would you rather be confined to a wheelchair, or have cancer?" "Cancer". It went on and on with every trial I could think of and his answer was always the same. "Ugh", I thought! After feeling like a brat for trying to drag Nate down to my level, we spent a lovely morning together in the chemo clinic.

On our way home Nate switched the radio on and we learned about the bombing at the Boston Marathon that occurred while we were in the clinic. The news made me cry and I wondered what this world will be like when my children are grown and have children of their own. I opened my mouth to ask Nate another "Would You Rather" scenario, and before any sound escaped my lips, he said, "Cancer". This time, I had to agree. I am married to an amazing man who consistently reminds me of my blessings. He keeps me afloat in this sea of life and I'm grateful beyond words for the blessing he is in my life.

Speaking of gratitude and humility, we're still amazed and humbled at all of you who still follow our adventure. We're grateful that we haven't been forgotten, and we love knowing that so many of you are still praying for Nate and our family. Thank you for your kind words of support and the service you render. We are blessed! Love to all!

Two Down....

It's hard to believe it's only been two weeks since I last posted! Apparently, we're not out of our time warp yet because it seems like two long months have gone by. Last I wrote, I was sitting in the infusion clinic with Nate assuming that all would go according to plan. I know, I know...I really need to abandon those expectations! You would think I would have learned by now! Twenty minutes after leaving the clinic, Nate "suggested" that I pull onto the shoulder of I-15 as he was feeling a little queasy. I think he was more than a little queasy, and I know the weeds would agree! I immediately had flashbacks of the effects of the very first round of chemo he did last March. I called the clinic, spoke to his very well-meaning nurse, and discovered that she had forgotten to give him the anti-nausea wonder drug he was supposed to get before the chemo infusion started. I took Nate home where his mom was waiting for us, left him in her care, and headed back to the clinic to pick up some oral meds that we hoped would help. Needles to say, Nate's first round of chemo did not go well!

The second day of chemo was one Nate would rather forget. Oh wait, he already did! In fact, he can't remember anything about the day including Sam's birthday party! Sam had 7 of his friends at our house and Nate can't remember any of it. We laugh about it now, but we're thankful the effects wore off and he woke up the next morning feeling more lucid. It was crazy because he's never reacted to the medications like that before. Instead of disconnecting himself, he chose to go to the clinic on Wednesday to have the nurses disconnect the port and give him some IV hydration. He really didn't recover until Wednesday of this last week. It was a tough one!

Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop when we're down and we had a lot going on. We finished up the birthday celebrations just in time for Sam's baptism day. He was baptized last Saturday, March 9th by Nate! Nate wasn't feeling well that morning, but true to his nature and his faith, he perked up just in time for the baptism. The baptism was wonderful, and we had lots of guests come over for dinner at our house afterward. It's always a special occasion to have friends and family gather together in our home. It's so good to watch Nate with his parents and his brothers. They are a special kind of medicine.

Sunday was daylight savings, and we were all so tired! With 9:00 church, I'm going to start a petition that we change the clocks on Friday night instead of Saturday! We all survived, but Monday morning I had four kids with fevers! Aaaahhhhhh!!! Luckily it was pretty short lived for all but Seth. He stayed home again on Tuesday. The germs didn't seem to affect Nate and he was able to work a full week! Friday was my birthday and we celebrated with the kids and Nate and I were able to go to dinner and a movie! Just like the "good old days"! Thanks Nate, for giving me a special day! Saturday morning was crazy busy and when everything finally settled down, Nate told me that he felt like he was feeling pretty much back to normal. Oh good...just in time for chemo on Monday! Thank goodness for the little breaks, even if it was only a day and a half!

Today went much better at the clinic. He received all the wonder drugs, plus an extra dose of one of the drugs that should help with some other side effects he's having. After a good long nap, he ate dinner AND held it down. He's still a little on the green side, but is doing much better than two weeks ago. We will take it!

Time Flies When You're Having...Fun?

I'll begin this post with a sincere apology to those of you who've been checking the blog for updates and not finding any. I know there are so many people out there who care for Nate and have wanted to know how he's doing. I'm sorry for keeping him all to myself. Truthfully, it's just been a hard couple of months, and I've been in one of my "funk" moods which lends to complete shutdown on my part. I'm gonna need some professional help if the sun doesn't start to shine soon! Nate continues to be the rock star we all know and love!    
 Here's what we've been up to...Nate's recovery has been a little slower than past surgeries. His energy hasn't come back as quickly, and his body is still trying to figure out all the new plumbing. He hasn't had any appetite to speak of, but we finally saw some progress when he went back for seconds last week at the annual Blue and Gold Cub Scout Banquet! That's always a good sign for any man! His wound finally closed up about two weeks ago, so that was one less thing for Nate to deal with morning and night. His pain finally eased up as well which obviously gives him more relief. It's funny because each time he's about to start another round of chemo, he starts feeling pretty good the week prior. It's a blessing that he's able to feel a little bit of "normal" before the treatments start. It's good for his outlook to get a glimpse of what the rest of us take for granted everyday!

Life's been pretty busy with the kids. They're all doing great! They all earned awesome report cards and are finishing up their basketball seasons and getting ready for Spring sports to start. Emma and Sam had their birthday this past Saturday (Emma is 11 and Sam is 8), and we had a good time celebrating up in Park City at a really cool Lego exhibit. We have a fun week planned for them which will wrap up with Sam's baptism this Saturday! None of them were very excited for Nate's treatments to start again and it makes me sad to see the weight they each carry. Our little Sydney keeps saying that she doesn't like Monday and wishes it were Tuesday. When I ask her why, she points at Nate and says, "You know!". I'm pretty sure she's verbalizing what everyone else is thinking!

I had an opportunity to feel like a teenager again this month! A couple days after Nate got home from the hospital in January, I noticed that my mouth was a little sore. The next morning I had a new tooth! Oh yay for me! Yes, my wisdom were coming in. After a quick x-ray at the dentist, it was decided that the two top wisdom teeth that were never supposed to come in, needed to come out. It wasn't that bad (I wouldn't want to do it again), but I can't help but think the timing could have been better. Nate wasn't feeling well at all, but he took great care of me! Our friends and neighbors also jumped to our rescue! Thanks friends and neighbors! Thanks also to the Tooth Fairy, who we now know visits Moms too!

We added two new members to our family, much to Dash the cat's bewilderment and dismay. Lucy and Nibbles have brought a little "normal" to our family and have provided distraction and a few laughs as well. Nate set up a "Hamster Cam" so we can track the little buggers when they escape. It's been fun, and so far the hamsters are surviving the cat!

Nate's been able to work the last couple of weeks and felt well enough to take a business trip last week. He's excited to start on some new projects there, and I can see how much it helps him to get back to life. We've been so blessed with his employer, and their patience has been amazing!

This morning Nate had his new port placed. His room was close to the nurse's station, and I could hear them talking about being short staffed and how they were waiting for someone to float over from another unit. It turned out that the nurse who floated over was one of my best friends in nursing school, and she'd never worked on the unit before. We were able to visit while Nate was in the procedure, and she popped in when she could to keep me company. When they brought Nate back, he told me that the radiology tech that scrubbed in for his procedure was our good friend/neighbor/home teacher for 6 years who we absolutely love! He only works at this facility one day a week. I know I've said it before, but I know there's no coincidence about it. They were there for us. It meant so much to me to realize that our Heavenly Father was sending His love by placing our friends in our path today.    

Nate's RN told him to come back anytime for a visit because they love fun patients! I love this man!

Now we're sitting at the infusion clinic waiting to start Nate's first of six rounds of chemo. The chemo will be the same as the last time so we're hoping and praying that he will tolerate it as well as he did before. The schedule is also the same so it will be every other Monday in the clinic, home with the pump, and he'll disconnect himself on Wednesdays. He should finish up around the time the kids get out of school. We're all looking forward to a great summer!

Thanks everyone for not forgetting about us. We're grateful for the care we've received and for all the thoughts and prayers offered on our behalf. This year has been more than rough, but I hope you all know that the love you've shown has carried us through. Love to All!

On The Mend

We've been in our "time warp" for a little over two weeks now, and I finally feel as though we're coming out of it. Day-to-day activities are slowly returning to normal, and I've been playing catch up with all the things that took back seat to Nate's surgery and recovery. Even with all the amazing help we had, the pull of wanting to be at the hospital with Nate, and knowing that my kids needed me at home was difficult. I can't imagine how hard it would have been this summer if Nate's surgeries would have taken place in Salt Lake City.

Nate is healing well. His wounds are mending, his blood work looks good, and he's gaining more strength each day. He's lost his hospital weight of 20 plus pounds, and is starting to feel more normal (whatever that means). His appetite is slowly coming back as evidenced by the popcorn and chips he ate yesterday! He's been very cautious about his diet, and is pretty tuned in to every rumble of his belly. He's still an excellent patient, and I'm so glad I get to be his nurse.

As I mentioned in my previous post, our surgeon saw no evidence of disease (NED) during the procedure. She felt pretty confident that what she saw was scar tissue, but sent biopsies to be sure. Unfortunately, one of the biopsies came back positive for cancer cells and mucin. This news came just two days after the surgery. At the time, I wondered if it would have been better had we not been given the NED status. Remember how I said the feeling of relief was so intense and it was like realizing you'd lost something only because you'd found it again? Well, it's amazing how that weight came hurdling back. The area that came back positive came from the mesentary of the small intestine, and was described as the size of three Nerds (the small hard candies) stuck together. Our surgeon was able to take the whole thing out, and didn't see anything else that resembled it. We are praying that now all the cancer is out, but knowing what an insidious type of cancer that it is, all three of Nate's doctors are recommending more intravenous chemotherapy.

I feel like I'm always the bearer of bad news, and it's probably why I haven't posted in a while. We only told our kids about it this last week. It was so wonderful to see the difference in them after we were given the NED, and we couldn't bring ourselves to tell them. They took the news with great faith, but I could see the weight land back on all four of them. I'm sad that they have to deal with all of this at such a young age, or ever! I'm thankful that they are more resilient than I am!

During the surgery, they took out Nate's port where he received his chemo directly into his jugular vein just above his heart. Things looked so good that they thought they could get rid of it. Now he'll have to have another port placed before he begins chemo in late February.

Often times we find ourselves needing to recognize and remind ourselves of the blessings we've experienced during this past year. One that I've reminded myself of over the past two weeks is that even though Nate had to endure the awful ileostomy for seven months, the surgery to reverse it allowed them to find this little tumor which didn't show up on his CT scans. It would not have been detected until it had grown large enough to be seen on a scan, and by that time it could have seeded elsewhere in his abdomen. So, even though I would have been perfectly happy to stick with the NED status, I'm thankful that we can treat Nate, and hopefully get him back to good health.

Back to the question I asked before...Do I wish we had never heard the NED news? No. The feeling of pure and utter relief and joy I felt that day is what I hope to feel again. It was awesome, like nothing I'd ever felt before. All at once my mind filled with things I didn't have space to think about over the last year. I was breathing again and my heart felt free, which may sound weird, but I know that some of you will be able to relate. My hope, our hope, is that we will get back to that place. I know what it feels like now, and I can't wait to feel it again! We know there's a plan in all of this and that we just have to keep fighting for now. Thanks again for the love and support we've felt. We're blessed to have so many people care for our family.

One Week Post-Op

Today marks one week from Nate's surgery. It's been a week of ups and downs. Nate began his recovery well and felt like he could leave the hospital within a few days. He had lots of visitors over the weekend, which was a really nice way to pass the time. Our kids came on Saturday to watch a football game on T.V.  Even though they are apprehensive about being in the hospital and seeing Nate in this condition, they did well and cheered up their Daddy!

His pain has been well controlled with an epidural. They finally removed it on Monday and started him on oral pain meds. The downside to that is that they are given every three hours so he doesn't get any real sleep. True to his nature, he doesn't complain. The nurses like him and everyone seems cheerful when they come in his room.

Nate had to have the dreaded Naso Gastric (NG) tube in until Thursday night. That thing makes him crazy! I think he was having flashbacks of the nine days he had it in Massachusetts. He was so happy to get that thing out!

He is a man of mystery, as we learned back in Massachusetts. After surgery, his white blood cell count (WBC) jumped up to 22, then steadily decreased all the way to 14 on Monday. He had steady vital signs (except his crazy low blood pressures, which probably resulted from the epidural) until about 6:00 every night when he would start to get a fever. It would last into the early morning hours and break, all while his WBC count kept going down. They finally started him on an antibiotic on Saturday, just in case. Monday they started him on a heavy hitting antibiotic and decided that if he had one more night of fevers, they would order a CT scan for Tuesday morning. You can guess what happened...no fever. No scan. However, his WBC count went back up to 16.5. Nice. I've decided that Nate just likes to keep us guessing.

Last night during rounds, they told Nate that they would order the CT today to check for an abscess or a leak in his newly reconnected colon. Insert freak out by Natalie here. I'll bet you can tell what happened next...WBC count back down to 14.5, so no CT scan. I can't decide if I'd rather just have Nate get the scan or not! You would think that after the summer we had, with repeated rides on the roller coaster of doom, that we would be as cool as cats by now. Not so. Of course I am only speaking for myself as Nate is always as cool as a cat (unless he has the dreaded NG tube).

Yesterday as they were examining the incision, they decided it needed to be drained so they punctured it with a Q-tip and removed a staple so all the fluid could escape. And escape it did! Does! Is! Just keeps draining and draining. The fluid looks good, and hopefully will stay that way. 

So here we are in the hospital for at least another day. Nate's bowels aren't as "active" as they need to be, and our doctor wants to see what will happen tonight with his temp, his labs, and his bowel function. The last thing I want is to take Nate home and have him decline. It's a very helpless and scary feeling! The kids can't wait to have him home, and we all miss him being there. Praying that all goes well tonight and that everything heals and mends and works the way it should. He is one tough guy, but I don't want to see him suffer any more.

Thanks for all of the calls and texts. I'm sorry that I haven't updated here since the surgery, I've been a little frenzied and probably a little superstitious too. Silly me. We appreciate all the love and kindness coming our way! Here's to a "well functioning" night! Go Nate!

Snow Day!!!

What a great surprise to see the beautiful snow outside this morning! School was called off, and the kids are all out playing in the snow! The only thing that could make it better is if Nate and I could be home playing with them. I'm so glad they have today!

Nate did well yesterday. He had an elevated temperature most of Wednesday night and very low blood pressure which makes him nauseous and dizzy. The epidural he has for pain control is probably the culprit, so it becomes a balancing act. He got up once yesterday for about 5 minutes, and took a nice long walk (about 20 feet each way) today. He had a little fever again last night but it went away quickly. His BP is still low but not low enough, I guess.

I picked the kids up after school and brought them to the hospital. They were a little nervous, but I could see that they were relieved to see their dad. He still had the NG tube in so nobody was quite sure about that, but after some coaxing I got them to sit on his bed for hugs and kisses. We're both so proud of the way our kids have handled all the trials they've faced this year. I'm amazed at their resilience and the way they have had such simple faith. They are great examples to me, and are often what keeps me going. It was great for Nate to feel their love and support.

It took us an hour and 15 minutes (30 minutes usually) to get home in the snow! When we arrived, we found that our driveway had been cleared and a friend was working on our front steps. This morning I woke up to another clear driveway. Thank you, thank you!

Nate's white blood cell count was elevated to 22 Wednesday night but was down to 18 this morning. We continue to pray for his bowel to mend together and to wake up. Thank you to all of our angels, both seen and unseen who we feel watching over our family.

NED

I'm so grateful that I can honestly say, "Today has been a good day!" January 9th marks exactly 7 months since Nate's last surgery in Massachusetts, and 11 months and 7 days since this all began back on February 2nd. I know that we have a long way to go to get Nate feeling "normal", and the possibility of complications still exist, but I choose to celebrate this day.

I'm 99% sure that I'm not dreaming, I'm 50% superstitious (knock on wood), but I actually feel so much relief that it scares me a little! I think I'm so accustomed to getting discouraging results that I almost stopped believing that the kind of news we received today was within my reach. I was completely ready to hear that Nate did great through the surgery BUT...

We said goodbye to Nate at 7:15. He went to sleep at 8:15 when they started the procedure, and our surgeon came to talk to us at 11:55. The procedure lasted a little over 3 1/2 hours, and of course, Nate did great! We were given a very thorough report, and I was glad that Lynn, Nancy, Destry (sister-in-law), and Don (friend) were there with me to get the good news.

Most of the time was spent working on the area where Nate had the abscess from where his bowel ruptured in July. The abscess needed to be drained again and there was a lot of adhesion in the area. The large colon in the area was encased in scar tissue and was very compromised so she had to remove about 6 more inches of the transverse colon. Nate has about 1 1/2 feet of colon left which should be enough for him to adjust to. After working to free up the colon, she was able to bring the small bowel over to rejoin the two ends. She said the small colon looked very healthy, and she was hopeful that the joining site would hold up well. Nate's liver also has a lot of scarring, which was expected since it was covered in tumors and had to be scraped clean in the HIPEC procedure. She said that if it hasn't caused problems so far, that he should be ok with it. His liver function was all back to normal before this surgery as well. She also said that there weren't many adhesions anywhere else in the abdomen, which is great news!

They were able to get a pretty good look at 2 of the 3 spots in question on the latest CT scan, with an "ok" look at the spot up by the liver. But they were able to biopsy all 3 areas. Our surgeon said that they all looked like scar tissue to her, but she sent biopsies to be sure. Praying for good results there.

As we sat in the little room discussing the surgery, I had the mixed emotions of hope, relief, anxiety, and fear. I was waiting for the "punch in the gut" news we always seem to hear, but it never came! I finally got the courage to ask the doctor if her news meant that Nate would receive the always hoped for "NED" (No Evidence of Disease) status. When she said, "Yes, I saw no evidence of disease", the feeling of relief was completely overwhelming. It felt as if I'd held my breath for a year and was finally able to breathe again. It was one of those times when you realize you'd been missing something only because you'd found it again.

As I sit at Nate's bedside, I'm grateful for the miracle that we received today. Nate is an amazing man with an amazing spirit and a determination that has seen him through some pretty rough patches. He has always been optimistic, grateful, faithful, and patient. I'm overwhelmed for the blessing he is in my life, and for the blessings my Heavenly Father has granted us today. I'm thankful that my children have had the faith to pray for their dad every single day. I'm thankful for all our dear family and friends who remember the Hardy Family in their thoughts and prayers.

As we look ahead, we are praying that the connected bowel will be healthy with no leaks, that the large colon will wake up soon and cooperate, that no fistulas form, and that Nate's elevated temperature and low blood pressure will normalize very soon. I don't know how to thank everyone, but I hope you know how much we appreciate all the love we feel coming our way.

Today has been a good day!

1st update

Just received an update from the O.R. The first comment was about how pleasant Nate was while they were getting him ready...love it! Love him! He was doing well and they expect to be done by noon. We should get to see him around 1 or 2:00. Of course, they don't give any details in the updates but I feel like things are going well.

The Big Day...Haven't we done this already?

I did it! I finally got to hear Nate complain about something! When he found out that his arrival time at the hospital was 5:30 a.m., he let out a big groan and actually complained! I knew he had it in him, and I'm so proud.

Determination

All joking aside, I write this as Nancy and I sit in the waiting room. They took him to anesthesiology at 7:15 and we said our goodbyes. Surgery should start by 8:15 or so. They have him scheduled for 4 hours. I'll update the blog as we get updates.

We had a nice visit from our Bishopric last night, and Nate received a Priesthood Blessing from his dad and brother the night before. Nate is optimistic about the procedure and knows that everything will be ok. His surgeon came to see us this morning and she was very kind and reassuring. We know there are angels watching over Nate, and are grateful for our blessings.

Surgery # 6...and hopefully last!

Trying to get back into the "regular schedule" after Christmas break is such a bummer! It was so great to have the kids and Nate around the house. I'm always a little sentimental when school starts back up and Nate goes back to work. I even get a little sad to take down my Christmas tree. Alas, we must move on with the New Year!

Nate had his pre-op appointment with his surgeon last Thursday, and everything is set for him to have his sixth, and hopefully last, surgery this Wednesday, January 9th. This date falls exactly seven months from his last surgery in Massachusetts. It will take place at Intermountain Medical Center (IMC) in Salt Lake City. The main objective is to reverse his ileostomy and get him all hooked back together. The surgeon will also try to get a look at the areas we saw on the last CT scan that looked suspicious. We are praying that she'll be able to access the areas with ease, and either remove them, or at least get biopsies. Nate also has an abscess that is left over from his previous surgeries that will need to be drained and removed if possible. The procedure will take 3 to 6 hours depending on what they find. We are praying with all our might that they won't find anymore disease (tumors, mucin), and that the scarring and adhesions from the HIPEC will be minimal. The HIPEC is basically a chemical burn all over the abdominal cavity, so you can imagine how much scarring can occur. They say it is different with every patient, but they always expect that they'll have to spend a large amount of time carving through the scar tissue and adhesions to get where they need to be. We like our surgeon, and trust that she'll do all she can to bring Nate through with a good outcome.

Preparing for another surgery really stinks! I can only imagine how excited Nate is. It's sad to think that he's done this five times already. Have I heard him complain? Nope. He admits he's apprehensive about the recovery, but he is full of faith that everything will be ok. I don't know how he does it. I guess all these years being married to me have made him a very patient man. Or, maybe I hoard all the "crazy" around here. Either way, he's an amazing example to me.

We're grateful for our good families. Nate's mom will be with me in the waiting room again, and my mom and dad are coming down to stay with our kids. If any of you have a minute and would like to drop by the hospital for a visit, please do! It's a welcome change to be close to home where Nate can have a few visitors to help move the time along. We estimate that he'll be in the hospital for 7 or 8 days. He will be in building #5 at IMC.

Thanks again to our family who joined us as we fasted for Nate this past Sunday. We're so grateful for the many prayers given on Nate's behalf. We know we've received great blessings because of your faith. I'll update the blog as soon as I can on Wednesday. Here's to a successful surgery, and a quick recovery. Love to all!